A take on Penance
by newbienovice
Summary: I was blown away with the story titled 'Penance' which was submitted by lochness20. A brilliant story. I had an idea after Chapter 7 of Penance to take the story in another direction. I hope that Lochness20 doesn't mind but below is the beginning of where I thought to take it. The paragraph in italics is from 'Penance' and sets the scene.
1. Chapter 1

I was blown away with the story titled 'Penance' which was submitted by lochness20. A brilliant story. I had an idea to after Chapter 7 of Penance to take the story in another direction. I hope that Lochness20 doesn't mind but below is the beginning of where I thought to take it. The paragraph in italics is from 'Penance' and sets the scene.

 _Kurt paced across his living room as he jerkily dialled the phone again. Still no response. Logically if Jane was with Roman then she wouldn't answer but he didn't feel very logical right now. When he had gone to bed, Jane lay safely beside him. In the middle of the night, he had woken up to find himself wrapped around her. But in the morning the bed was empty and the sheets were cool. He continued to fight the panic. She had left a note, one shitty brief, unhelpful note._

 _Kurt, Roman called. Thanks Jane._

 _When he finally tracked her down he was going to give Jane a stern lecture on the importance of descriptive note-taking and the necessity of physically telling him when she was going to disappear. Kurt resorted to pacing while he waited for her to return._

 **Chapter 1**

What felt like hours later, Kurt was still pacing back and forward in the living room with the phone clenched in one hand and his other hand tightly clenched into a fist. He heard what sounded like scratching at the front door. His ears pricked up and all of his senses were on full alert. Ever the FBI agent, he swiftly unholstered his gun and stood beside the door. The scratching continued or was it tapping?

With his heart beating rapidly he ventured to the peep hole to peer quickly into the outside hallway. For a moment, he could see nothing and then just as he was about to return to the side of the door he saw a shoe on the ground, a black army boot. He moved his body a little closer to the door to get a better look and realised that the boot was connected to a leg. Someone was lying on the floor.

He stood back from the door. The cogs in his brain clicking away while he assessed the situation. Without any further pause, he brought his gun up to point at the door and swiftly swung the door open.

His mind working overtime when he realised what he was seeing. Lying there on the floor was Jane, semi-conscious, her leg splayed at an awkward angle and blood, so much blood seeping through her white shirt. Kurt quickly knelt down beside her head and cradled her face in his hands. Jane's skin was clammy and pale with a bead of sweat covering her brow. "Jane! Jane! What happened?" There was no audible response from Jane. With his heart hammering Kurt carefully lifted Jane into his arms, being mindful of her broken ribs that had just started to heal. It was then that Jane let out an almighty groan. Her left leg dangling and swaying as he started carrying her down the flights of stairs to the garage where his car was parked.

Jane's head was cradled in his arm, her face pressed against his chest. Kurt murmured soothing tones in her ear. "It's okay Jane. I'm with you now. I'm going to get you to the hospital. Just hang in there Jane. Everything is going to be fine. I'm here. You're safe now."

After carefully laying Jane down on the back seat of his SUV Kurt clambered as quickly as possible into the driver's seat of the car. He slammed the car into drive and headed for the hospital. Kurt gripped the steering wheel and fought the rising panic. His mind a swirl of emotions, his body starting to tremble with the shock.

Kurt didn't take the time to park the car, he drove straight to the entrance of the hospital, slammed on the brakes and without a beat he jumped out of the car and carefully lifted Jane from the back seat back into his arms. Jane groaned with the pain and started whimpering with her eyes firmly closed.

Kurt pushed his way through the front doorway of the hospital and scanned the room for help. "Someone! I need a doctor now. Someone help me!" As if on cue a doctor rounded the corner of the hallway, took in the situation and immediately motioned for Kurt to place Jane on the closest bed. "I'm Special Agent Kurt Weller and this is Jane. She is an FBI asset that has been injured on duty. She was recovering from some previous injuries which you will have on her medical file but she has sustained further injuries earlier this morning." With a nod the Doctor asked Kurt to take a seat in the waiting area while they assessed Jane's condition.

Kurt couldn't sit still. He returned to pacing, pacing the small waiting area. His mind a jumble of thoughts and emotions. He decided he needed to call the office and update them on the situation. "Patterson, it me, Kurt." Kurt said in a stern but calm voice. "Jane was contacted by Roman earlier this morning and she disappeared off the grid for a few hours. She made it back home but she's been injured. I'm at the hospital now waiting to hear what her injuries are and how bad it is. Can you let the team know?" With an audible gasp Patterson assured Kurt that she would pass on the information. "You let me know if we can do something Kurt. Tell Jane to hurry up and get better, we miss her." With a murmur of agreement Kurt clicked the phone off and continued his well-worn track in the waiting room, pacing back and forth …

Finally, the doctor strode purposefully into the waiting area, eyes firmly focussed on Kurt. "We've assessed Jane. She's suffered abrasions to her torso. We've removed several small pieces of shrapnel and sutured the larger wounds. She also suffered a concussion and has a rather large bump on the side of her head. The x-rays identified that she has suffered quite a significant break in her lower leg bone. Due to the swelling, we haven't set a full cast on her leg but rather a makeshift half-cast which will keep her leg immobile until the swelling goes down. Once that's occurred she will be fitted with a cast for 6-8 weeks. Based on her injuries, it is in my opinion that Jane sustained these injuries from some type of explosion. That would explain the shrapnel and abrasions to her torso." Kurt breathed out a ragged breath, not realising that he was holding his breath for the duration of the doctor's diagnosis.

The Doctor continued, "Now my understanding is that you were Jane's primary carer while she was recuperating from her previous injuries. I would like to keep her in overnight to monitor her concussion but I see no reason why you can't take her home again tomorrow morning. She will require some assistance doing normal every day activities but once we fit her full cast on her leg she should regain more of her independence." Kurt nodded his head and sighed with relief. "That's no problem Doc. Can I go in and see her now?" The doctor lead Kurt to Jane's room and motioned for him to enter. Kurt stood at the doorway, pausing for just a moment to regain his composure and to steady his shaking hands …


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Taking a deep breath Kurt quietly opened the door to the room. He slowly walked in and glanced over at Jane who lay quietly on the bed with her face turned towards the window. Her left leg was raised and held in a sling over the bed. Her torso was completely bandaged up to her armpits and a sheet was pulled up to her waist. She looked so fragile and so broken. Kurt took another few steps towards the chair beside her bed.

He sat down and lifted his head to look at Jane. He could see she was laying there awake, just staring at the window. "Jane? The doctor tells me you're going to be okay. How are you feeling?" There was no response from Jane. Kurt leaned forward and tentatively picked up her hand and held it between his palms. "Jane? Are you okay?" Jane didn't move her head. He knew she could hear him as he felt her arm stiffen when he spoke. He gently stroked her hand with his thumb, trying to bring her back from wherever she was. "Jane, I don't know what happened this morning but I know that whatever happened we can get through it together. I need you to know that I'm here for you and that you can trust me. Please Jane, let me ..." Kurt had to stop talking as his voice began to waver.

He went back to stroking her hand and ventured a look at her face but Jane was still staring blankly out the window. Her head was tilted even further away from him, pressing harder into her pillow. Kurt lapsed into silence. With a sigh he let go of her hand and stood up. He began quietly pacing the room, his mind working overtime. How much more can a human bare? How much more does she have to suffer? Kurt felt an overwhelming pressure on his chest. How can I make this right? I thought we were making headway, she was starting to trust me again or at the very least she had started to see I was trying to help. I can handle Jane when she's angry. I can handle Jane when she's scared. I can even handle Jane when she's upset but what I can't handle or understand is Jane like this - silent, disconnected and blank. Kurt ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to fix this. He didn't know how to fix her.

He returned to stand beside Jane's bed. He reached for her hand again and looked down at her. She hadn't moved. She was still staring unblinkingly out the window with her face turned away from him. He leaned over further to gently brush her hair behind her ear when he noticed one single solitary tear was rolling down her cheek. "Oh Jane. Please look at me. Please come back to me." She didn't respond, she didn't move. He drew in a shaky breath and bent down to press a light kiss to her forehead and continued to lightly stroke her hair. "I need you to rest now. I'm going to be right here." He settled himself back in the chair and returned to holding her hand, gently stroking it with his thumb.

* * *

Kurt woke to the smell of food wafting into the room. He had fallen asleep firmly grasping Jane's hand and had awkwardly laid his head on the side of her bed. A nurse was bustling into the room with a tray of food. The nurse set the food tray onto a table and pushed it over to Jane's bed. Kurt gave the nurse a nod and looked to Jane. She had drifted off to sleep while he was sleeping. Even in sleep he could see the firm set of her mouth and her body was slightly stiff and on alert. He thought about waking her to encourage her to eat some food but instead continued stroking her hand and massaging the kinks out of his own neck while watching her sleep.

After a time Kurt realised he needed to update the office on Jane's condition so he gently laid Jane's hand on the bed and quietly stepped out of the room. He gave himself a moment to stretch his body and clear his mind, then reached for his phone and dialled the office number. "Hey Patterson. Its me." Patterson hurriedly asked how Jane was doing. "She's going to be okay. The doc said she needs to stay in overnight, she's broken her leg pretty badly and has some other wounds but I'm taking her home in the morning. I won't be in the office today. In fact, I won't be in the office for the next few days. Can you let Pellington know? I will keep you updated." Kurt was listening to Patterson prattle on about how worried everyone was when he heard a blood curdling scream come from Jane's room. He looked up to see nurses running towards her room. Kurt ended his call with Patterson with no explanation and ran towards the screams as fast as his rubbery legs would take him.

The nurses were trying to grab onto Jane's arms. They were holding onto her shoulders and her body was writhing on the bed. The screaming was incessant. The nurses were calling for a doctor and were continuing to try and hold Jane's flailing arms down. The tray of food had been kicked over, there was food flung over the floor and gravy dripping off the side of the bed. Jane's tightly clenched right fist connected with one of the Nurses' jaw and made a resounding crack.

Kurt flew into action. "I need you to let her go. Stop holding her down. She is having a nightmare and you holding her down is making it worse." By now Jane was shrieking in earnest. Her left leg had slipped out of the sling and her right leg was kicking out blindly at anyone who came near. Kurt managed to coax each of the nurses to step out of the room. "I will calm her down. I just need everyone to leave the room. Don't let anyone in here for now."

Kurt closed the door and turn around. Jane was still writhing on the bed, her screams had quietened a little. He was worried she was going to hurt herself further. Kurt knew better than to touch her right now. He stood in the corner of the room. "Jane, its Kurt. You're having one of your nightmares. I need you to calm down and I need you to wake up for me." He murmured further words of encouragement from the corner of the room. He gradually inched closer to the bed, taking one step at a time, murmuring soothing words to her.

Jane had quietened, her arms were held stiffly beside her with her fists clenching and unclenching. Kurt gently uncurled her fingers and began stroking her hand. "Jane, I need you to wake up for me." He glanced at her face which was pale and grim. Jane's eye's startled open and she launched herself up into a sitting position gasping for breath and clutching at her bandages wrapped around her chest. Kurt lightly rested his hand on her bare shoulder, "It's okay, it was just a nightmare. You're safe. You're in hospital." Jane's eyes flicked to meet his concerned face. Her eyes locked onto his. He stared into her haunted green eyes and tried to convey a sense of calm. The minutes ticked by and gradually Jane's ragged breathing returned to normal. Kurt helped her lay back down on the bed and pulled the sheet back up her body. Now much calmer, Jane lay her head on the pillow and turned her face away from Kurt and stared blankly out the window again.

* * *

So i'm not getting much feedback. Does that mean I'm butchering this story and I should quit and leave it to the professionals? This is my first story so i'm not sure how its going.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Now that Jane was once again calm Kurt asked the nurse to check Jane's bandages as he had noticed blood was seeping through the dressings. Kurt left the room to give Jane her privacy and to clear his head. Leaning against the wall with his head bent, hands on his knees he closed his eyes and took in some deep breaths. He needed to find a way to reach Jane again. He needed her to know that she could lean on him. It felt like he was starting all over again. If only he knew what had happened this morning with Roman. Kurt let out a frustrated sigh and leant back on the wall.

He took his phone out of his pocket and rang Patterson again to request that someone bring a set of Jane's clothes to the hospital. She needed something to change into tomorrow morning when she was discharged. "Weller We both know Jane's typical outfits are jeans and they aren't going to be practical and certainly won't fit over the cast on her leg. I will run out to the shops and grab her some loose-fitting shorts or skirt." Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. Trust Patterson to think ahead. She was right. There's no way Jane's jeans would fit over that half-cast. Kurt thanked Patterson and told her she could just leave the bag at the front desk. He hung up the phone and leant back against the wall in the hallway waiting for the nurses to finish with Jane.

Kurt could hear hurried footsteps down the hallway. He looked to his right and saw Jane's doctor was setting a cracking pace walking up the hallway towards him. "Agent Weller, I've been informed that Jane experienced some extreme night terrors. I've prescribed a muscle relaxant for her this evening. I understand a similar drug was administered to her last time she was here to help with this exact situation. She really does need to talk to someone about these nightmares, they're not going to go away unless she works through the issues that are concerning her." Kurt nodded in agreement and explained that he would talk with their FBI doctor about this. The doctor continued, "And please, don't worry about the injured nurse. She will have some bruising but there's no permanent damage. Jane certainly has a mean right hook on her." Kurt gave a knowing half smile and thanked the doctor and they agreed to meet in the morning before Jane is discharged and that the doctor would give Jane a final once over before they left for home.

When Kurt re-entered Jane's room he noticed that the spilt food had been cleaned up. Jane's left leg was once again propped up in the sling and she was sporting new bandages around her torso. He moved around the side of the bed and once again clasped Jane's hand. "Are you hungry Jane? I can get you a new meal if you feel up to eating?" Jane had returned to staring out the window however he noticed she slightly shook her head. It was enough for him to understand she didn't want food. "Well in that case how about you try and get some more rest. I will be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere Jane." He sat down in the chair and shuffled around until he was comfortable. He quietly sat there listening to Jane's even breathing as she gently slipped into a drug induced sleep.

* * *

Kurt had the list of instructions from the doctor for Jane's home care. She was to return to the hospital each afternoon to have her dressings changed and there was a myriad of medications that she needed to take throughout the day to aid in the healing process. The doctor had also advised that due to the injuries affecting Jane's torso and the fact that she had twisted her right knee fighting off the nurses in her sleep, this meant she wouldn't be able to use crutches so the hospital would be sending Jane home with a wheelchair. Kurt knew that Jane wouldn't take kindly to being pushed around in a wheelchair but she had no choice at this stage. He once again thanked the doctor and strode off to Jane's room pushing the wheelchair through the doorway.

Jane was sitting up in the bed dressed in a t-shirt that was at least three sizes too large for her and a pair of lose fitting shorts that Patterson had dropped off earlier. Her shoulders were hunched and she was staring at her hands. "Good news Jane. It's time to take you home. The doc says you're good to go." Jane didn't acknowledge Kurt's presence, she just let out a deflated sigh and sat quietly on the bed.

Kurt moved the wheelchair beside the bed and set about putting the brakes on. He turned to Jane and ran through his mind the best way to manoeuvre her into the chair. "So I'm no expert but I'm going to try and get you into this chair somehow. You tell me if what I'm doing is hurting you in any way." Kurt leant forward and for a moment, he paused with his hands in mid-air, unsure of how to proceed with such a delicate procedure. He couldn't just wrap his arm around her waist due to the wounds covering her torso. He eventually decided the best course of action was to slide his hands under the back of her thighs to gently drag her forward to the edge of the bed. He managed to quite easily bring her forward on the bed using this method. "You doing okay Jane?" She lifted her head and nodded slightly in reply.

He then clasped her arms and gently wound her hands around the back of his neck. "You hold on tight there Jane and I'm going to lift you up." He felt the gentle pressure of Jane's hands on the back of his neck as she tightened her grip. He slipped his hands under each of her armpits and gently lifted her and swung her onto the chair. Jane let out a small whimper from the movement. "I'm sorry Jane. I will get better at this, just bear with me." Jane let go of his neck and he gently lifted her left leg onto the frame that supported her leg so that it was no longer bent at the knee. He leant down and unhooked the brakes and turned the wheelchair around. He set off down the hallway trying not to think too much about how nice it was to have Jane's in his arms again, even if it was just to get her into the chair. He also tried not to think about the fact that in the last 24 hours Jane had not uttered one single word.

When they reached his SUV, Kurt realized that getting Jane into the car was going to be another challenge. How the hell was he going to get her out of that chair and up into the high set car. Kurt slowed his walking pace while he quietly mulled over the options. He really should have asked a wardsman to help him get her into the car but they'd just have to make do somehow. In any event, he needed to work this out if they were going to have to visit the hospital each day to have the dressings on her torso changed.

Kurt parked the wheelchair sideways near the rear passenger door. "So Jane, this is going to be a bit difficult and probably very clumsy. I'm going to try get you into the car the same way as we got you in the chair." He bent down and leant closer to her and without prompting Jane rapped her arms around his shoulders and clasped onto his neck with her hands. " just tell me to stop if it hurts too much okay". Kurt placed his hands under her armpits once again and lifted her as high as he could. He turned to try and place her on the seat when Jane stiffened and her nails dug sharply into the back of his neck. "Kurt stop!" Jane groaned in pain. Kurt quickly placed her back in the wheelchair. He gently cupped her cheek and tilted her head so he could look at her, his face filled with concern. "Sorry Jane. Are you okay?" Jane's eyes glistened with unshed tears and she clutched at her side. He could hear her taking deep gulps of air and trying to control her breathing. He stayed quiet for a moment just stroking her hair while she attempted to compose herself. "Okay, so now we know that won't work. Let me think of another way." She didn't respond but he could see she was still trying to regulate her breathing.

Kurt had another idea but was hesitant in suggesting it. He didn't want to make Jane uncomfortable but most of all he didn't want to do anything that would injure her further or cause her more pain. "Jane I know this may be a little awkward but I think if I can get my hands underneath your backside that will give me the leverage to get you into the car. Are you okay with that? Or I could go and get someone to help us" He felt his ears turn a little Crimson. He wasn't suggesting anything that was remotely sexual but he felt a little awkward just the same. Jane whispered "Just do whatever you need to do Kurt." And she looked away staring over his shoulder at the car door so as not to meet his gaze.

Kurt nodded. Once again he bent down close to her so that she could wrap her hands around the base of his neck. He placed his hands in the space between her lower back and the wheelchair backrest and then pushed his hands underneath her, cupping each of her buttocks and gently lifted her out the chair. Jane let out a small whimper and tightened her grip on his neck. Taking all of her weight in one hand he slid his other hand down her right leg and hooked it over his hip taking care with her bruised knee. He then did the same with her injured left leg as gently as he could. She rested her head against his shoulder and he could hear her ragged breathing. He stood there for moment with his arms wrapped around her, determining that Jane was okay and not in too much pain. He turned to face the open car door and placed her on the seat and gently swung her legs into the car. He carefully strapped the seatbelt across her body, ensuring that it was lose and not rubbing against her injuries. He closed the car door and made his way around to the driver's seat letting out a deep sigh of relief now that he had managed to get her into the car and they were on their way home. Once he had her settled in at home perhaps he could get her to open up to him finally.

* * *

Anyone have any thoughts on what you would like to see occur? Thanks for the great reviews.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

From the moment Jane woke up in the hospital bed and heard Kurt's voice she had felt a tightening in her chest that hadn't gone away since. She knew Kurt wanted to know what had happened but really, what was the point. What was the point of anything anymore.

She leant her forehead against the icy coolness of the car window and stared blankly out at the snow-covered streets. This wasn't the first time that Jane wished she hadn't woken up after the explosion. The fight had left her. The instinct to push through the pain and despair had disappeared. She was left with nothing. She was nothing. She was no one. She closed her eyes and wished for it all to finally be over.

* * *

Throughout the drive Kurt had glanced in the rear-view mirror to check on Jane. He felt a deep sadness and a sense of helplessness. He'd never seen Jane like this. She was always so strong and determined except for the days preceding where she'd been distant and frighteningly emotionless but he thought they'd made some headway with her and he had begun to build her trust in him again. Something had happened when she was with Roman which changed that. He was at a loss as to how to pull her back from wherever she was. He resolved that no matter what, she would know that he was there for her. Nothing mattered more than helping Jane get through this and he would be there for her every step of the way.

By the time Kurt had managed to get Jane into his apartment he could see the travel had taken its toll on her. Her face was pale and there was a fine mist of sweat on her face. Kurt wheeled her chair into the lounge room and deposited her bag of medications onto the coffee table. "Jane would you like a cold drink or perhaps I can make you something to eat?" Jane sat despondently in the chair and stared at the blank TV. With a light sigh Kurt made his way over to the fridge and poured her a cool glass of water and fetched her medication. He walked over to her and knelt on one knee in front of her chair and peered up into her face. "Jane? You're going to need to take your medication now." Jane tentatively reached for the glass and held out her hands for the pills. After a pause, she obediently swallowed them, trying to ignore the gagging feeling as the pills slid down her dry throat. Kurt took the glass from her and placed it on the coffee table. "Would you like to freshen up before I get you settled in?" Jane nodded in reply.

Kurt wheeled Jane into the spare room where her clothes were and noticed there were several pairs of shorts similar to what she was wearing folded neatly on the bed, as well as several t-shirts. Looks like Patterson has outdone herself here. Jane reached for the clothing items and he wheeled her to the closet so she could retrieve her shower bag and anything else she needed. Once she had everything she needed he started to wheel her to the bathroom but then realized that he hadn't discussed with the nurses or the doctor whether Jane was able to bathe or shower with the dressings and cast but more to the point, did she need assistance.

Once Kurt had wheeled her into the bathroom he noticed a plastic chair had been placed in the shower. Another gift from Patterson he thought. He looked to Jane for guidance on what she wanted him to do. Should he stay… Should he go… Jane looked up at Kurt and motioned for him to leave. "I can do it myself. The nurses showed me how." Kurt turned to leave but paused in the doorway, "I will leave you to it but please just don't lock the door just in case. If you need me just call out." Jane nodded her agreement and he quietly shut the door.

Jane sat in the chair for a few moments, leaning her head on her hand. She didn't really care to shower but it was a chance to be alone and away from his prying gaze. Her head felt heavy and her body was aching. All she wanted to do was curl up and sleep. With a tired sigh Jane wheeled herself closer to the shower and dragged the plastic shower chair closer to her. She decided to get herself into the chair and then she'd work out how the hell she was going to manage taking a shower without the help of the nurses.

Jane lifted her leg from the frame of the chair and placed it on the ground. She leant down and pushed the brakes into place and then with a grunt, she used all of the strength in her arms to swing her body closer to the shower chair. Half way there she realized that it was going to be harder than she thought so she gingerly set her right foot on the floor and placed a little weight on the injured knee. She winced with the pain but continued to lever herself to the waiting chair. Sweat was now pouring off Jane from the exertion but there was no way she was asking for help. Clutching the arm of the shower chair she went to lower her body onto it which is when her right knee suddenly gave way. She tumbled onto the cold tiled floor of the bathroom bringing the shower chair crashing down on top of her. She let out a deep groan and she realized though for a moment that she was going to faint from the pain in her side. She lay there clutching her stomach crying silent tears of frustration.

Kurt heard the crash from the bedroom where he was starting to change. He barged through the bathroom door and surveyed the scene. His heart was beating wildly in his chest when he saw Jane laying on her side, fully clothed on the bathroom floor. "Jesus Christ Jane. Are you okay? Why didn't you call me for help!" Struggling to calm himself down he moved over to her and bent down beside her. He gently brushed the hair from her eyes and looked at her tear stained face. Jane was now sobbing and trying to cover her face with her hands. He soothingly murmured, "Come on, let's get you back in the chair."

Kurt removed the chair that was still leaning on Jane and then helped her into a sitting position which made her whimper with pain. He looked down to assess how he was going to lift her when he noticed a large bloodstain on the side of her t-shirt where Jane's hand was clutching her torso. Kurt bit down on his lip to stop himself from cursing loudly. He took a deep breath and calmly asked, "Jane do you think you can wrap your arms around my neck again? I need to get you off the floor so we can get you out of here." Jane tearily looked at Kurt and mumbled quietly "I will try." Kurt leaned in close to her so she could place her hands on his neck. He then cupped her buttocks and pulled her slowly up as he started to stand. He hooked her legs gently around his hips and she buried her wet face in the crook of his neck. She let out a low groan of pain as he settled her in place. Rather than place her in the chair again he walked with her held against him out of the bathroom and gently placed her on the couch. As he did so he noticed that the patch of blood on her side had grown in size and was spreading across her stomach. Kurt squeezed Jane's hand and then gave her a minute to calm her unsteady breathing while he went to the bathroom and gathered the first aid kit. He filled a bowl with warm water in the kitchen and grabbed a cloth.

Heading back to the couch Kurt noticed Jane was calmer but was still clutching her blood stained torso. Kurt knelt down in front of Jane and placed the bowl on the floor. "Jane I'm going to need to take a look at why you're bleeding. Is that okay?" Jane's head snapped up. "I'm fine Kurt. Don't worry about it."

"Jane you're not FINE. You can barely control your breathing because of the pain. I need to look at it." Jane looked down at the floor and hunched her shoulders, crossing her arms across her body. "Can you just leave it alone Kurt? It's not your problem? Kurt let out an exasperated sigh, "As I see it, you've got two choices here Jane. Let me tend to your wound or we go through the rigmarole of getting you into the wheelchair, then into the car and then back to hospital. Just let me do it."

Jane finally nodded her head in agreement. Kurt helped Jane turn sideways so that he could lay her legs on the length of the couch. He then sat behind her and lifted the hem of her shirt up. "Jane for me to take your shirt off I actually need you to uncross your arms you know." Jane huffed and held her arms up so he can quickly slide the shirt off. He could now see the blood staining on her bandages was quite significant and started to worry that maybe she had hurt herself more than he initially thought.

He gently unclipped the pins that were holding the bandage tight and started to unwind it from her body. He was determined to focus on the task at hand but with each section of the bandage being removed he couldn't help but be shocked at the extent of the wounds and bruises that were clearly evident on her tattooed back and shoulder blades. As he kept unfurling the bandages he could feel Jane stiffen in response. When the last of the bandages slipped off her injured body Jane reached for the bloodied t-shirt and clutched it to her breasts.

Kurt gently moved Jane a little to the left so that he could look at the side of her body where the bleeding was stemming from. He rinsed the cloth in the warm water and dabbed at the wound to clear some of the blood away. "Your stitches have come out during your fall Jane. I'm going to stick some Elastoplast on the wound until the doctor can re-stitch it tomorrow." He began adding the makeshift covering. Jane sat there silently with her head bent, clutching the t-shirt, as still as a statue.

Once completed he rinsed out the cloth and gently wiped her side to remove any leftover blood. He rinsed the cloth again and leaned over her shoulder to wipe her stomach where the blood had spread. When Kurt had finished cleaning her up he dig through the first aid kit looking for a suitable bandage to wrap her torso with. With gentle fingers, he placed the end of the bandage at her side and started winding it onto her torso from behind. He continued to wind it around her stomach, repeating the process until it was half way up her body. "I'm sorry Jane, but I'm going to need you to let the shirt go. We need to get this bandage all the way up." Jane sat there quietly for a moment and then slowly removed the shirt, lifting her head and staring at the wall. Kurt quickly wound the bandage across her breasts keeping his mind on the task at hand. Once complete he went to the bathroom and returned with her fresh shirt and helped her put it on. Jane let out a ragged breath and he could see her shoulders sagged into the couch.

Kurt stole a quick glance at Jane and saw her ashen face and tired eyes. "How about I help you get comfortable on the couch and you have a quick nap while I clean up a bit?" He helped Jane position herself on the couch and picked up the first aid items and returned to the kitchen

Now that Jane was safely on the couch Kurt placed his elbows on the kitchen bench and let out a sad sigh. A whirlwind of questions were running through his mind. What happened to her? Why is she barely speaking to him? How did she make it back to him? Her body was covered in nicks and grazes, cuts and bruises. He decided once she woke from her nap he would once and for all find out what or who had hurt her.

* * *

I got a bit lost with this chapter. Hopefully I get back on track next time. Apologies.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Jane lay quietly on the couch. She felt bone tired but sleep was being elusive. She knew it was time to tell Kurt what she now knew but she realized that once they had that conversation everything would change. If she was honest she was enjoying how attentive he was being and the way he was taking care of her even though she knew that it would soon end. She was soaking in each touch, each caress, each glance like it was the last time she would experience it because she knew that inevitably it would be. A wave of despair washed over her just thinking about it. Of all the things Jane had endured since stepping out of that bag in Times Square, of all the pain she had experienced, nothing compared to knowing that Kurt had betrayed her. A strangled sob escaped her throat and her body began to tremble.

Kurt quietly walked into the lounge to check on Jane expecting that she would be fast asleep. As he neared the couch he noticed she her body was trembling. "Jane? Jane?" He sat on the side of the couch and gently clasped her hand in his. He felt her pull her hand back, trying to evade his grasp but he held on tightly and started stroking her hand. He glanced down at her and held her gaze. "Do you think it's time we talked Jane?"

Jane's heartbeat rapidly increased. This was it. This was where it ended. She pulled her hand from his grasped and struggled to sit upright. Kurt leant over and helped stack the cushions behind her back to ensure she was comfortable.

Jane looked down at her hands in her lap. "I want to start by telling you how I got injured." Kurt nodded and sat there quietly. "Roman asked me to meet him at the old abandoned caravan park out of town. I remember I didn't want to leave that morning. It was the first morning in so long that I had woken up feeling like perhaps I had a future and perhaps I did have a place on the team." She wistfully remembered that feeling of laying in Kurt's arms, feeling safe and secure. It seemed so long ago.

"I didn't want to go but I knew I had to do it, just like a lot of things in my life it seems. When I arrived Shepherd was there. We spent some time discussing Sandstorm's next steps and we all agreed on the way forward. It was like any other normal meet up. Things changed when Shepherd took me aside and played an audio tape back to me." Jane took a deep gulp of air and tried to steady her breathing before she continued.

"I was extremely upset by the contents of that audio tape. I tried to hide my distress but Shepherd called Roman into the caravan to help calm me down as I was beginning to hyperventilate. I've never felt so vulnerable in their presence before. Shepherd eventually left us there." Jane paused trying to muster the courage to continue.

"Jane, what was on the audio tape?"

Jane looked Kurt directly in the eyes. "The truth Kurt. That's what was on the tape - the truth."

He looked at her quizzically but motioned for her to continue. He didn't want to interrupt her now that she had finally started to open up to him. "I don't know how long it took for Roman to calm me down but after a while he convinced me that we had to return back to town. He opened the caravan door and motioned for me to walk out of the caravan but before we could leave the caravan exploded."

Jane fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I don't remember anything after that. I don't know how I got back here. I don't even ... " her breath hitched. "I don't even know if Roman is alive." Jane's face crumpled as her tears silently fell down her face. Kurt held her hand and gently rubbed her thigh, silently comforting her while she wept quietly. Jane eventually quietened and her thoughts turned to the audio tape. She had to continue. She had to tell him she knew.

"Jane, what was on the audio tape that upset you so much?"

Jane lifted her head but planted her gaze firmly on his shirt buttons. She couldn't look him in the eyes. Her heart was breaking just thinking about it. She fidgeted on the couch. She felt her throat tightening and she started to feel breathless. Kurt looked at Jane with concern. "Jane?"

Jane started pulling at her shirt and bandages trying to relieve the pressure on her chest. She was gasping for air and felt lightheaded. She couldn't do this. She just couldn't. Kurt scrambled off the couch and knelt beside her. His handed rested on the back of her neck gently rubbing and massaging. "Jane, take some deep breaths. I need you to calm down." Jane turned towards him, her eyes flickering from side to side, panic was building in her chest. "Jane stop." With his other hand he gently cupped her face. "I'm here Jane. Take deep breaths." Jane clutched at her chest and took a gulp of air. She could feel the waves of panic beginning to recede. She took another deep breath and focused on Kurt massaging her neck.

"Jane I think perhaps you should take a break for now." Jane breathed a sigh of relief and instantly felt her body begin to relax. At least for now she didn't have to face the truth. At least for now she could pretend.

* * *

I think I started this story off fairly well in the first few chapters but now I'm struggling to get my thoughts on the page. Its so frustrating!


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for your kind reviews. Its my first fanfiction so its nice to hear I'm doing okay at this. Its certainly been difficult to get my thoughts out over the last few chapters which is why they're a little shorter.

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

Standing in the shower Kurt let the warm water cleanse his body and mind. To see Jane so visibly distraught was heartbreaking. He just wished she wouldn't hold everything in. He wanted her to know that she could tell him anything. He knew that their relationship wasn't like it used to be and that there was a way to go, but he wanted her to trust him again. He needed her to trust him again. Maybe in time she could.

Kurt hoped for Jane's sake that Roman made it out of that caravan alive. She had experienced enough heart ache since he'd known her, he didn't want her to experience any more. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to shield her from any further loss.

Kurt realized that Jane had more to tell him about her meeting with Roman and Shepherd and clearly it was very hard for her to talk about it. He would give her time to tell him when she was ready. He could at least give that to her. He only hoped she trusted him enough to tell him what was on that audio tape.

* * *

Jane lay on the couch, her mind replaying the events of the last few months. Kurt arresting her, the torture by the CIA, the way the team treated her on her return, the confusion she felt when they started befriending her again and now this, the audio tape. It was just all too much. She felt deceived. She didn't know who she could trust and she didn't know who was sincere. She felt betrayed and used. She had only just started to get to know her brother and now she didn't even know if he was dead or alive. An involuntary sob escaped held her lips as she shifted in distress on the couch.

Her memories of her life before the tattoos were gone. The FBI essentially owned her body, they knew every crevice, every part of her body. The regular lie detector tests meant that the FBI owned her mind and her thoughts too. The only thing that she had left, the one thing that she had kept to herself was her heart and now that had been betrayed and used too. She had nothing. She was spent. She no longer felt like the brave and strong Jane Doe that people had come to know. She felt mentally drained and lost. Jane let out a heart wrenching cry. She pushed her face into the cushions to quieten her loud sobs.

Through the wisps of hair covering her tear strained face Jane looked at the bottles of pills that the doctor had prescribed which were within easy reach on the coffee table. She pulled herself into a sitting position and snatched the bottle that was closest to her and reached for the glass of water.

* * *

Kurt felt slightly better after showering and changing. He decided a home cooked meal was in order. Hopefully the smell wafting into the lounge would entice Jane to eat. She really needed to start eating soon, it had been at least 24 hours since her last meal shake. He was busily running through ingredients in his mind when he ventured into the lounge to discuss what she would like to eat. As he neared the couch his eyes lowered to the carpet where several pills were scattered on the floor and the glass of water had tipped over spreading water onto the rug below.

Kurt paused for a moment, his heart thumping loudly. He looked up to see Jane sitting on the couch in an awkward position, head sagging, her chin on her chest. He rushed to her side. "Jane! Jane!" He shook her arms as hard as he could. "Jane!" He let out a harrowing sound from deep in his throat. "DON'T DO THIS TO ME JANE!" Kurt could taste the bile in his mouth. he couldn't hear anything but the pounding of his heart echoing in his ears. Kurt's fingers fumbled along the length of her neck searching blindly for a sign of life.

His breathing was erratic and sweat was pouring from his brow. "Jane why! Why!" And then he felt it ... a soft, barely there pulse. Kurt hurriedly reached for his phone in his pocket and dialed 911. He strained to hear the operator's voice above the pounding in his ears while he stared at Jane's lifeless body. He relayed the details to the operator and begged them to hurry. "We will get there as quick as we can sir. The snow is making it challenging but we will be there very soon. Please unlock your door so we can enter on arrival."

Kurt hung up the phone and immediately dialed Patterson. He ran and unlocked the door while he waited for her to answer. In an anguished voice he relayed to her what Jane had done. "Kurt, I have Dr Borden here. I will put him on the phone." Dr Borden listened to Kurt's agitated voice. Remaining calm he advised Kurt to take Jane to the bathroom and try to expel the pills manually until the ambulance arrived. "You need to try and get her to wake up. Pinch her or slap her if need be."

Kurt hung up the phone and immediately lifted Jane into his arms. Her eyes flickered and she let out a quiet groan but she hung limply in Kurt's arms. He ran with her to the bathroom and sat on the tiled floor placing her in his lap. Without pause he pried her mouth open and pushed his fingers down the back of her throat. "Come on Jane. Help me here. Stay with me."

He heard a muffled whimper. Jane's body suddenly convulsed and he felt her stomach spasm. Kurt wrenched his fingers out of her mouth and leant her face over the toilet bowl where the contents of her stomach emptied. Kurt let out a ragged breath. He waited until Jane's spasms stopped and then held her head to his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair and down her arm, rocking her back and forth in his arms. "Don't leave me Jane. Don't leave me." He kissed the top of her head and waited for the ambulance to arrive.

When the paramedics arrived they had to gently pry Jane out of Kurt's arms. They laid her on the stretcher and began assessing her condition. All Kurt could do was sit there and numbly watch Jane's lifeless body be poked and prodded once again. He followed them to the ambulance and shakily climbed into the back, taking a seat by Jane and reaching for her hand. He squeezed her hand tight, wanting to let her know that he was there while the paramedics continued to work on her. Kurt bowed his head and silently wept.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry that the previous chapter was a bit dark and gloomy!

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

Kurt sat wearily on the edge of Jane's hospital bed. He refused to sit in the chair again. He felt like he had spent more time sitting in hospital chairs than his own couch over the last few weeks. He was making a determined effort to calm himself down after the verbal stoush that had occurred with the doctor who had insisted that Jane be restrained to the bed. Kurt had argued angrily that it would do more damage to Jane if she woke to find herself unable to move freely. Thankfully the restraints were removed after a long heated discussion. The doctor had also informed him that Jane would have no lasting complications thanks to Kurt's quick actions to expel as many pills as possible before the paramedics arrived. Now it was just a waiting game, waiting for Jane to wake.

* * *

Her eyes felt heavy and her head ached. Her mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool balls. She tried to open her eyes but the light was too intense. She we so tired. She drifted back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Kurt gazed down at Jane's flickering eyelids. He knew she would start to wake soon. He needed to see her green eyes looking up at him. He needed to know that she was okay. He didn't know what had caused her to take such drastic measures but it was never going to happen again. He would make sure of it. She was not leaving his sight until he was sure that she had resolved whatever was causing such distress. He returned to stroking her warm hand while he watched the reassuring rise and fall of her chest.

* * *

Jane gradually opened her eyes and looked at the familiar ceiling with a sigh. She glanced down and saw Kurt half laying on her bed, his head on her lap, his arm draped over her sheet covered thigh. Tears sprung to her eyes at the sight. She carefully lifted her hand and lightly stroked his head, reveling in being so close to him. She felt him stir but he didn't raise his head, instead he reached for her hand and held it tight. In a raspy voice Kurt murmured, "Jane please don't ever scare me like that again." Jane's hand paused in his hair for a moment, "Kurt I ... I just ... I'm sorry. I don't know anything anymore. I'm so confused. I feel like everything I've known since coming out of that bag is a lie." Tears slipped quietly from her swollen eyes.

Kurt moved his head to the side so he could look up at her. "Jane I'm real. I'm here for you." She sighed. "See that's just it, I don't know that you're real and I don't know if you are genuinely here for me." Kurt sat himself up on the bed and held her gaze. "I know you've had reason to doubt me and that's understandable considering I arrested you and the way I behaved towards you once you escaped the CIA but Jane, I've never been more certain than right now that I want you in my life. In fact, if I'm honest I need you in my life." He reached for her hand again trying to convey all the emotions he was feeling through his touch. "When I ... When I found you on the couch like that ..." He paused while he calmed his breathing. "Jane, you have come to mean more to me than you will ever know. I thought I had lost you forever. I never want to feel like that again."

Jane's eyes grew wide as her brain scrambled to comprehend what he was saying. She withdrew her hand and sat up higher in the bed. "Kurt. You don't have to say those things to make me finish my mission to bring Sandstorm down. I will do it regardless. I realize more than anyone that I need to right my wrongs." Kurt ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Jane you don't understand. I'm not just saying these things. I mean it. I feel it. Since you came into my life nothing nothing has meaning unless I have you by my side. I can't lose you."

Jane wanted to believe Kurt so badly it hurt but she knew differently now. She knew what the reality was but he sounded so genuine. "Kurt when Shepherd played ..." Before she could continue there was a quiet knock on the door. Both Jane and Kurt turned to find Dr Borden standing in the doorway with a friendly smile on his face. "Hi Jane. I hear from the Doctor that you're recovering well. Do you mind if I come in and take a seat for a moment?"

Kurt made to leave the room to give them some privacy but Dr Borden stopped him. "I think it's appropriate on this occasion that you stay Kurt. As long as that's okay with you Jane?" Jane nodded in agreement.

"Now Jane, Kurt has made me aware of the circumstances surrounding your admission into the hospital tonight. I've also spoken at great length with the Doctor and we've devised a treatment plan for you, or as some would say, a wellness plan." Kurt nodded his head encouraging the Doctor to continue.

"What we'd like to do is have you return to Kurt's apartment as soon as possible so we can get you out of this sterile environment. I will be visiting you daily to have sessions with you so we can work through these issues together. A nurse will also visit daily to administer your medication." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "We just feel at this early stage that it's best if all medications are administered by a trained nurse. Your Doctor has also spoken to a Physiotherapist who will be visiting you to help keep your body flexible and muscles working since you won't be walking unaided for some time. We will also ensure that you will have someone with you 24 hours a day until you recover." He looked to Jane to see her reaction.

"So in effect I'm going to be a prisoner but instead of being in a small dark cell I will be held in Kurt's apartment?" Kurt looked at Jane with concern etched on his face. "I don't think that's what Dr Borden meant. I think what he's trying to say is that we all want you to get well and if that means making sure you never feel alone or desperate again then that's what it will be." Jane reluctantly nodded her head. She wasn't in a position to argue really, it's not like with her injuries she could stay at the safe house anyway.

Dr Borden stood up to leave but before he walked out the door he turned back to Jane. "We are all incredibly glad that you're still here with us Jane. I will see you tomorrow." Jane gave him a slight smile and then leant back in the bed closing her eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

During the ride back to Kurt's apartment the silence was palpable. Neither Kurt nor Jane spoke, each lost in their own thoughts. Kurt wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on in Jane's head. Enough was enough. She couldn't continue to push him away. He deserved a god damn explanation as to why she felt so defeated that she would try and take her own life. Jane was anxious knowing that Kurt would have a million questions for her. She took a quick glance at Kurt's profile. He seemed a little edgy, even a little angry. She could see he was gripping the steering wheel fiercely.

Once he parked the car Jane sat quietly in the passenger seat waiting for him to open her door and help her out. With shaky hands she unbuckled the seat belt and clutched her hands in her lap. Kurt opened the car door and leant forward silently. Knowing the routine by now, Jane wrapped her hands around his neck and he lifted her into the wheelchair.

* * *

Kurt wheeled Jane into the lounge but then hesitated. He didn't want to have this conversation where he could be reminded of her lifeless body on the couch so he continued pushing her into his bedroom. "Kurt why are we going in here? You can just put me on the couch?" Kurt ignored her protests and bent down to lift her out of the chair. Once she was in his arms with her legs wrapped around his hips he stilled and held her there. He pulled her closer to his chest with his firm hands and let out a deep breath. Jane burrowed her head further into his neck. "I'm so glad to have you home Jane. But we do need to talk." He tightened his grip on her and then reluctantly sat her gently down on the bed. He stacked some pillows behind her back so she could remain upright.

Kurt sat down at the end of the bed so he could face her. "Jane I know when we talked yesterday you got particularly upset when you started discussing the audio tape. I think you need to try and explain it to me." Jane fidgeted anxiously on the bed. She couldn't put it off any longer.

"Kurt, when I was gone for those three months, while the CIA ... the only thing that kept me strong was my thinking about the time we shared together. I would close my mind to the horrific things that were happening to my body by thinking about you. I couldn't have got through that if I didn't think of you."

Kurt squeezed her hand in acknowledgement. He was a little astounded that she had said such a thing and it made his heart flip. He nodded for her to continue. "Once I escaped I knew that I couldn't return to the FBI. The nights were the worst. The feeling of being alone and having no one to turn to. I still thought that perhaps one day I would see you again and perhaps if I explained myself and why I did what I did you may forgive me but I soon realized when you and the team captured me that I had been living in a fantasy land.

You had such hatred for me, for what I had done, that I knew there was no going back. It broke my heart but I knew i didn't deserve anyone's friendship or love, especially yours after what I had done." A soft sob escaped her lips. Kurt didn't move to console her. He just sat quietly waiting for her to continue.

"So over the next few months I resolved myself to the fact I should focus on one thing and one thing only, taking down sandstorm. I knew that my chances of living through that were slim but I was prepared for that. I had done enough damage to you, to the team, to Mayfair. I was determined to at least finish the mission. And yes, it was tough at times when I would see the disdain burning in your eyes or the distrust from the team but I had become quite adept at shutting down my emotions after my time with the CIA. I thought on the outside I was functioning like 'old Jane' until that day when you and the team witnessed how far I had pushed my body and my mind."

Kurt squeezed Jane's hand again. "I never hated you. I just didn't know if the Jane I knew existed anymore."

Jane took another deep breath and continued, "when things changed I initially didn't understand why you seemed so concerned and I was confused by the sudden change in your behavior. Having you care for me and look after me felt foreign and undeserved but gradually a little flicker of hope ignited. The team started to include me in small ways and I stupidly thought maybe I could be part of them again and perhaps there was something left for you and I to salvage. When I heard the contents of that Audio tape that flicker of hope was quickly extinguished. I just felt so betrayed and last night I panicked. I just couldn't bare having this conversation and you confirming that it was true. I was a coward and I truly regret doing that to you."

Kurt leant forward with a fierce determination in his eyes. "Jane you've always been a fighter since the day I met you. Don't give up fighting now when there is so much for you to look forward to - for us to look forward to." He held her gaze for a moment longer hoping to convey the depth of his words. Kurt let go of her hand and leant back again, "Jane, tell me about that tape."

Jane paused for a moment and re-positioned herself on the bed. "Shepherd didn't give me any warning. She just told me that she had something she thought I needed to listen to. She asked Roman to leave the caravan and then she played the tape. I could here Nars' voice. She was dictating her case notes. I can't remember it word for word but she said that you had expressed concerns about continuing to have me on the team and that if I stayed you wanted to be removed from my case. She said that you didn't provide any reasons behind your request but she denied your request immediately."

Jane hurriedly explained to Kurt that it didn't surprise her to hear this. She understood that Kurt was angry and hurt at the time. Kurt nodded in agreement. Jane cleared her throat and continued. "It's the next thing she said that brought me to my knees. She said that she instructed you to put aside your hatred for me and ordered you to spend time with me, to care for me, to start a romantic relationship if need be, as she was concerned that I was a flight risk. She wanted you to keep watch over me and to do that you had to convince me that I could trust you and that you had feelings for me even though you couldn't bare to be in the same room as me." Jane paused and took a gulp of air.

Anger crept into her voice. "Kurt, you went along with this plan even though you had seen first hand how broken I was after being tortured. I know I did wrong but I was paying for it. You knew I was barely getting through each day. You used my one weakness, the one one thing that made me vulnerable, my connection with you. You used that weakness against me."

Kurt shook his head vehemently. "Jane I ..." Jane held her hand up to get him to stop talking. "Kurt, you did your job well. I had irrationally begun to believe that perhaps you were going to forgive me and that there was something between us. I thought back to all the little touches, coy smiles, lingering gazes and I realized it was all a carefully orchestrated lie. You had been so gentle and caring, helped me though my nightmares and held me in your arms in bed at night. The thoughtful gesture of buying me a sketch book was another nice touch. I had started to believe that you were genuinely concerned about me and that you wanted to help me."

Kurt tried to interrupt Jane and explain but she stopped him again. "In that moment I felt truly alone and totally betrayed. Now with a Roman gone I have no one, just like when I stepped out of that bag except now I know what it feels like to be protected, to be a part of a family, and then to have that torn away from you."

Kurt shifted on the bed. He couldn't let her continue. Jane bowed her head and murmured quietly, "See the thing is Kurt, I would never have left you to work with Shepherd. You were my anchor, my one constant and I would have laid down my life for you and what really breaks my heart is that even though I know the truth now, I still would die to save you." Jane's body wracked with sobs. She reclined back on the bed and wept into the pillows covering her face.

Kurt could feel the tightness in his chest building. He moved up on the bed to lie beside Jane and gently laid his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Jane moved her arm away and in a muffled voice she murmured "Please don't touch me any more Kurt. I can't bare it." Kurt flinched at her words and rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He was confused and distraught. How could Jane think he would do something like that. If he thought about it from her perspective he realized that his actions and behavior did actually change overnight but that had nothing to do with Nars. He wasn't given orders to manipulate Jane. He would never do that to her. He needed to talk to Nars. He needed to find a way to convince Jane that his actions and his feelings were genuine. Kurt fought the urge to grasp Jane's hand. He lay there quietly listening to her soft cries.

* * *

The team and Dr Borden were gathered in his lounge room. Kurt asked them in a stern voice to quieten down for the third time. "Guys, I know you're anxious to see her and I know you're concerned but please lower your voices. Jane needs as much uninterrupted sleep as possible. You can't stay for long either, I don't want her to feel overwhelmed. Don't talk about work or the case. Don't ask her too many questions And don't bring up ..." Zapata rolled her eyes. "We get it boss. Stay quiet. Ask about the weather, then leave. Got it." They all glanced at each other with knowing eyes at Kurt's behavior. He certainly was protective of Jane.

Kurt quietly opened the bedroom door to check on Jane. He found her lying on her back staring intently at the ceiling. He entered the room and came to sit beside her. "Jane I know we have more to talk about and believe me, I have a lot to say, but right now the team are waiting anxiously in the lounge took to see you. Do you feel up to it?" Jane didn't want to have everyone staring at her with pity in their eyes but she knew she couldn't avoid them forever so she decided it was best to get it all over with. She felt ashamed that she had so rashly swallowed those pills, it wasn't something she had planned, it was a decision made out of desperation and she knew she would have trouble explaining it to them.

Kurt helped her sit up. He knelt down beside the bed and started to pull her into a gentle hug but Jane placed her hands firmly on his chest and pushed him away from her, keeping her head bowed and her gaze focused on the floor, "Kurt. Please don't."

Kurt tilted his head to capture her gaze but when that proved unsuccessful he leaned in close to her ear. She could feel his warm breath along the nape of her neck. "Jane we're not finished talking but I need you to know that every time I'm near you it takes all of my self control to keep my hands from caressing you." Jane stifled a quiet gasp. She shifted uncomfortably on the edge of the bed. She wished he would move back a little as she was finding it hard to catch her breath.

Without further hesitation Kurt lifted her back into his arms and seated her in the wheelchair. He made sure she was comfortable and that her leg was propped up. Giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze Kurt wheeled her out into the lounge room to join the others.

Jane plastered a smile on her face as she was wheeled into the lounge room. She suddenly felt nervous and out of place. Patterson immediately hurried over to Jane and bent to hug her but she was quickly stopped by Kurt. "Hey careful there Patterson. Jane's back is pretty fragile at the moment." Patterson reddened. She should have thought about that. So she awkwardly grasped Jane's hand. "I'm so happy to see you Jane. We've got a lot to catch up on. You doing okay?" Jane squeezed Patterson's hand and thanked her for dropping in.

The rest of the team made their way over and said their hellos. Kurt was standing behind Jane when he saw her body stiffen. Immediately concerned, he looked up to see what was causing Jane's distress. Nars was approaching Jane from across the room. Kurt slightly shook his head at Nars to convey that it wasn't a good idea to come over to Jane. Nars acknowledged the shake of his head and continued walking, changing her track a little so she could walk towards the kitchen with just a slight nod to Jane as a greeting. He saw Jane's body visibly relax when Nars had left the room.

After a few minutes Kurt saw that Zaoata and Patterson were busily chatting to Jane so he took this moment to disappear into the kitchen to speak with Nars. "what the hell have you done?" Nars looked at Kurt with confusion. She had no idea what he was referring to. In a low gravelly voice Kurt continued, "Shepherd played an audio tape to Jane which featured you calmly dictating that I was ordered to cosy up to Jane regardless of the fact that I couldn't bare the sight of her." Kurt stood there, arms crossed, nostrils flaring. "Care to fill me in on that!"

* * *

Thanks for sticking with me throughout this story. The reviews keep me motivated! I tried to write an extra long chapter for you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Kurt was fuming. Nars better have a good explanation for this. He leant back on the kitchen bench, his arms crossed and waited. Nars looked up at Kurt and smiled. "Sounds like it worked then." Kurt raised his hands in the air and looked at Nars with fire in his eyes, "Are you kidding me right now? If your goal was to tear Jane's heart into little pieces, then you sure as shit were successful!"

Nars folded her arms across her chest. "Are you going to calm down Weller and let me explain?" Kurt let out a frustrated sigh. "Go ahead and I'm warning you, there better be a good explanation because after all she's been through, she doesn't deserve this."

Nars nodded her head and continued. "Kurt we received intel that Shepherd was concerned about Jane's loyalty to Sandstorm. They believed that Jane's loyalty lay with the FBI." She paused for a moment and cleared her throat. "Actually, Shepherd believed that Jane's loyalty was with you Kurt. We were worried what Shepherd would do to retain Jane's loyalty." Kurt nodded for her to continue.

"Pellington and I devised a plan. We became aware that Shepherd's team have a mole within the FBI so I created a fake case note and placed it on the server for the mole to stumble upon. We needed to give Shepherd some genuine evidence that she could use to make Jane question her loyalty to you. They obviously took the bait and played it to Jane in the hope that she would pledge her allegiance to Sandstorm. They wanted to remind Jane that the only people she could trust were themselves. Based on Jane's reaction I can only assume that Shepherd believed it, as did Jane".

Kurt ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "Did you stop to think for a second that you should have told Jane what to expect or even told me? She was only just beginning to trust me… trust the team again, and then you go and shake the very foundation that, that trust was built on. Do you understand the damage you did by not forewarning her?"

Nars shrugged in defiance. "Weller, for this plan to work we needed Jane's reaction to be genuine. We needed Shepherd to see Jane breakdown at the contents of that tape."

Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Nars I don't know how you run your team but if one of my team members has been through what Jane has been through I don't treat their emotions as something to play with and use. You pushed Jane too far. You went too far. She still believes what you said on that tape and she is heartbroken and trusts no one, including me. "

Nars replied with a controlled anger, "Kurt, Jane is an FBI asset. She is NOT an agent. She is a consultant to your team. I'm sorry but it had to be done. We have to stop Sandstorm and if that means hurting Jane's feelings to stop them, then that's what needs to be done."

Kurt squared his shoulders and took a step closer to Nars, anger was rippling off his shoulders. "If you ever go behind my back again or one of MY TEAM MEMBER'S back again ..."

Before he could continue Dr Borden entered the kitchen. He glanced at both Kurt and Nars and realised immediately that he had interrupted a heavy conversation. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Usually he would make his excuses and leave but right now Jane's needs took priority. "Kurt I'm sorry to interrupt but Jane is asking for you. I did suggest that perhaps I could help in your absence but she does appear to be a little agitated." Kurt tore his glance away from Nars. Through clenched teach he calmly stated, "We can discuss this further later."

Kurt tried to shake off the anger rippling through his body and followed Dr Borden to the lounge. When he neared Jane he saw she was holding herself stiffly in the chair and she was fidgeting with her hands on her lap. Kurt immediately knelt down beside her and asked what was wrong. Jane couldn't meet his gaze. She quietly whispered, "I'm sorry Kurt but I need to use the ladies room ..." She ducked her head and a blush was creeping up her neck. "I... I... If you could just get me into the bathroom and out of this chair I can manage from there. I'm sorry about this." Kurt cleared his throat and quietly replied, "Jane it's not a big deal and it's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm here to help." Kurt realized with all the back and forward to the hospital there had been nurses available to help Jane. He hadn't had the forethought to think about such things. "Everyone is going to stick around for a while so how about we get you organized for a shower too. That way one of the girls can help while they're here?" Jane nodded. She had been wanting to shower but had been putting it off considering her last disastrous attempt. She didn't want a repeat of that.

Kurt quietly pulled Patterson aside. "Jane needs to freshen up so I thought perhaps you may be able to help her since you're here?" Patterson smiled in agreement. "Oh of course. Just let me know when she's ready."

Kurt wheeled Jane to the bathroom and tried not to think about the last time Jane had tried to shower. At least he knew Patterson would be on hand this time so there would be less chance of Jane toppling over and hurting herself.

Jane sat silently in the bathroom. She felt a little mortified that she was asking Kurt to help her with something so private but her only other option would have been to stay in the hospital. She just had to grin and bear it. Kurt bent down to Jane and placed her on the toilet. "I'm going to go and get a plastic bag to put over that cast. Back in a sec."

Kurt left the room and quietly closed the door. He took his time finding the bag and a roll of cello tape and headed back to the bathroom door. He waited a few minutes before knocking. "Am I good to come in yet Jane?" Jane scrambled to pull herself into the nearby wheelchair and flush the toilet. She wince at the sharp bolt of pain in her knee but she was happy to have made it to the chair safely. "Come in Kurt." He walked in to see Jane still a little red in the cheeks and slightly gasping for breath. "You okay Jane." She nodded in response.

Kurt knelt down in front of her. "So I spoke to the Doc and you can't get this cast wet. The new cast that they're putting on tomorrow will be waterproof but for now I'm going to put this bag over your leg and stick it in place. He said you can shower with your bandages off but there's some antibiotic ointment that needs to be applied once you're dry." Kurt proceeded to wrap her leg in the plastic bag and ensured that it was water tight. "You're set. Now let me get you into the shower chair and then I will go and get Patterson."

Kurt bent down and again and lifted Jane into his arms. He placed her on the shower chair and knelt down in front of her to check that the bag hadn't moved. "Thanks Kurt. I'm really sorry about all this. I know it's not your job but ..." Kurt interrupted Jane, "There's nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should be apologizing because I didn't think about your basic needs. Jane you may not know this but when you care about someone you help them when they're in need." Jane felt a warm flush rise up her chest. She knew she shouldn't take his words to heart but all the same, it was comforting to hear."

Kurt left Jane in the bathroom after making her promise she wouldn't attempt to move from the chair without him being present. He entered the lounge and nodded to Patterson who hurriedly made her way to the bathroom. She knocked lightly on the door, "Jane its Patterson. Can I come in?" Jane called for her to enter. "Right then Jane, let's get you showered and freshened up. How do you want to do this?" Jane explained to Patterson that if she could help her with the bandages and clothes then she would be okay by herself until she was ready to get dressed.

Patterson nodded and helped Jane with her shirt. She unpinned her bandages and started unrolling them for her. She gasped when she saw the extent of Jane's injuries. "Oh my god Jane. I didn't realize how badly you were hurt. You should have told us it was this bad!" Jane smiled, "it's fine Patterson. It doesn't hurt that much anymore, only when I put too much pressure on the wounds. "You truly are amazing Jane."

Patterson helped Jane remove the rest of her clothing and then turned the shower on for her. She placed Jane's shower bag in each reach and hung a towel close by. "So are you sure you're okay for me to leave you in here by yourself?" Jane nodded in agreement. She was looking forward to relaxing under the hot shower and washing away some of her pain.

"But Jane do you think Weller is going to be pissed if I leave you alone in here?" Jane shrugged, "He has no say in it. It's not like he's going to come rushing in here when he finds out." Patterson smiled but she wasn't too certain that Jane was right about that. Weller could be pretty bull at a gate about something when he wanted to be, especially if that something was Jane. "Okay, well I will leave you in peace but I will come back in 10 minutes to see if you are finished." Jane nodded and then leant back into the scalding water. She flinched a little as the water slid over her cuts and grazes but it felt so good on her bruised and sore muscles.

Patterson made her way back to the lounge only to be confronted with a glaring Kurt, "You left her in there by herself? What on earth were you thinking Patterson?" Kurt turned to rush to the bathroom when Patterson grabbed his arm to stop him. "Weller, she is fine. She said she won't move from that shower chair. She just needed some privacy and some time to herself. I told her I would go and check on her shortly." Kurt sighed, "Fine, but she better not do anything stupid." Patterson rubbed his arm, "She's doing okay Weller. You can't watch her every second of the day. She will be fine." Kurt scrubbed his face with his hands. "You're right. Sorry Patterson. I'm just worried about her." She nodded at him with concern. "It's going to take time Weller. You can't rush her." He realized she wasn't referring to Jane showering. He exhaled and let her lead him back to the couch.

* * *

Jane thought if only she could stay under this shower for hours she would sure to feel better. Her muscles had relaxed for the first time in days. Her arms felt heavy and lethargic. There was something to be said for showering while sitting. She probably could have drifted off to sleep if she didn't know there was a lounge room of people waiting for her to re-join them. Jane jumped with a start when she heard s tentative knock on the door. "Jane it's me again. Can I come in?" Jane agreed and reluctantly turned the shower off. Patterson made her way to Jane. "I bet you feel like a million dollars after that?" Jane gave a tired but relaxed smile. "I certainly do. You should try showering in a chair one day. Bliss." Patterson chuckled and passed the towel to Jane.

"So I think we've struck a problem here. We can't get you dressed while you're sitting in the shower as your clothes will get damp. Let's wrap this towel around you and I will get Weller to come and lift you out." Jane grimaced, "Really? I'm sure we can manage. Maybe just give me your shoulder to lean on." Patterson shook her head "I'm sorry Jane but I value my job and I value my life. If I helped you out of that chair Weller would down right strangle me." Jane realized that Patterson was right. It wasn't worth the fury that Kurt would rain down on them. Reluctantly she mumbled, "Okay, go get him then I suppose."

Kurt entered the bathroom expecting to see Jane fully clothed and ready to be moved. He paused at the door and quickly averted his eyes. "How can I help?" Patterson smirked at how uncomfortable Kurt was. It was quite amusing really. "Ah we need you to lift Jane into her wheelchair so I can help her get dressed." Kurt nodded and approached Jane. Patterson stifled a chuckle when she saw the blush rise up Jane's neck. If only Zapata was here to see this. Kurt leant down and tentatively pulled Jane into his arms and wrapped her barely covered legs around his hips He was trying not to think about the fact that there was just a flimsy towel between his hands and Jane's bare body. And the scent of her... God, this was the ultimate lesson in self-control!

Kurt gently placed Jane in her wheelchair and she quickly rearranged her towel to ensure it hadn't slipped down whilst in his arms. She mumbled quietly. "Thanks." Kurt nodded and quickly left the room. As soon as he entered the doorway he drew in a deep calming breath. He was the one that needed a shower now - a very cold shower.

Patterson helped Jane dress in some fresh clothes while chatting away in a sing song voice. Her tone turned serious after a while. "I just wanted to say Jane, if you ever feel that desperate and alone again I want you to know that you can talk to me." Jane ducked her head and murmured quietly. "I know Patterson. I'm sorry for everything that I've put you and the team through. I thought I was strong and capable but I think everything has finally taken a toll on me. Mentally I'm weak and physically I'm weak. I'm just not used to feeling like that." Patterson fought the tears that were glistening in her eyes, "Well Jane, sometimes when you feel like that you need to draw your strength from those around you who care about you." Jane clasped Patterson's hand, "Thank you Patterson. You're a good friend to me and have always been."

Patterson finished up and wheeled Jane into the spare room. "I will go and get Weller again to help you onto the bed." Jane quickly shook her head, "We won't need to. I can manage getting from the chair to the bed." Jane ignored the dull ache that had started throbbing in her back. Patterson looked at her with concern, "Jane is there a reason why you are against Kurt helping you? You know he cares about you and just wants to help in any way he can." Jane sighed, "It's fine Patterson. I just need to rely on myself and nobody else." Jane started to lift herself to the bed but she had underestimate how relaxed her muscles were from the hot shower and her arms were lacking strength. She grunted with annoyance when she couldn't manage to do it. Patterson hurried forward, "Jane just wait there, I really think I should get Kurt." With a frustrated sigh Jane flopped her body back into the chair with such force that it made her groan with pain.

Kurt entered the bedroom noticing Jane's glazed eyes and the stony expression on her face. He tentatively touched her arm, "Jane are you okay? Are you in pain?" Jane ground out between her tightly clenched teeth, "I'm fine. Will everyone STOP asking me if I'm okay." Kurt glanced at Patterson, "Patterson would you mind ringing the nurse and finding out how long she will be? I think Jane needs her painkillers as soon as possible. Patterson nodded and quickly exited the room.

Kurt knelt down in front of Jane's chair and placed his reassuring hands on her warm thighs, "Jane I need to get you onto the bed so you can relax. Just one more time and then you can rest." Jane nodded her head but didn't open her eyes. She blindly lifted her arms fighting the jolt of pain that followed. Kurt gingerly lifted her to his body. She let out a deep groan of pain that made his chest ache with sympathy. "Nearly there Jane. Just take a deep breath." He gently lay her on the bed and rested her head into the pillows, curling a lock of hair behind her ear. Jane clenched and unclenched her fists riding the last waves of pain as her body settled into the mattress.

Patterson knocked lightly on the door and entered. "Weller the nurse is going to be an hour. She said she would get here as soon as she can." Kurt ran his hands through his hands in frustration. He sat down on the bed near Jane. "I'm going to tell everyone you've had enough for today and ask them to come back later." Jane didn't respond but she was thankful she didn't have to get out of the bed. Patterson said her goodbyes to Jane and promised that she would be see her tomorrow.

* * *

Once the house had been cleared of people Kurt went back to the bedroom to check on Jane. "Hey, you doing okay?" Jane nodded her head in reply. Kurt sat on the side of the bed, "I'm going to roll you onto your stomach and apply this cream for you. It should help with the pain until the nurse arrives." Jane didn't have the strength to argue. She lay there limply while Kurt rolled her over. He noticed there were several small patches on blood on her shirt. He put his arm underneath her body to lift her hips off the bed so he could roll her shirt up her back. The cool air helped ease Jane's burning skin. She lay still with her eyes closed just wanting this to be over with so she could sleep.

Kurt gently applied the cream to the wounds on her back. She flinched several times and clutched the sheets when he touched particularly sore areas. "I'm sorry it's hurting you but it should start to ease once it kicks into effect." He continued applying the cream along her back and payed particular attention to the wound on her side which had been restitched. He noticed that eventually Jane had stated to relax a little under his hands. "I'm going to roll you back over so I can do your front." With her eyes closed Jane just nodded, not caring about anything at this point, she was bone tired and limp with fatigue.

Kurt pulled her shirt down her back and gently rolled her over again. He lifted her shirt just below her breasts and gently applied cream to her stomach. His hand gradually moved higher. He hesitated when he neared her chest. He kept the shirt covering her and gently applied the cream to the underside of her breasts. He heard Jane's quiet gasp but kept his hands in place. It was taking all of his concentration to remain professional and to keep his hands from venturing any higher. Kurt glanced quickly at a Jane's face and saw that her eyes were still closed but the pained grimace had disappeared. "Jane would you like to finish apply this cream while I go and get a bandage?" Jane silently nodded and waited until he had left the room to continue rubbing the cream onto her grazed and bruised breasts.

When Kurt returned he sat on the bed and helped Jane to sit up carefully. "This is the last thing we have to do Jane and then you can relax and sleep." She looked up at him with tired eyes and nodded. She regretted showering for so long now. The hot water had really zapped any energy that she had remaining. Kurt carefully repositioned her so that her back was facing him and then gently removed her shirt. Jane made no move to cover herself this time. She was too tired to care about modesty and really, what was the point, Kurt spent each, and every day at work staring at intimate photos of her tattooed covered body. She just closed her eyes and waited.

Kurt felt a wave of desire rise through his body when he glanced at Jane. He'd seen photos of her body but that was different to her being naked from the waist up in his apartment. He shook his head to clear his brain and focused on wrapping the bandage around Jane's torso. She winced when the bandage tightened against the large wound on her side. She jolted away from him when his hands skimmed the sensitive side of her breast as he pinned the bandage in place. Once completed Kurt quickly slipped a fresh shirt over Jane's head and laid her back on the bed. Her eyes fluttered closed again as she nestled into the bed. The pain in her back had receded to a dull ache. Kurt laid a blanket over Jane and bet down and placed a light kiss to forehead and quietly whispered, "Get some rest Jane. I'm here if you need me."

* * *

So I could finish this story in one more chapter or I could drag it out with some Kurt and Jane fluff. Will see how I go with the next chapter and will then let you know. Thanks for the reviews - keep them coming please!


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry about the length of time since my last post. I had to re-write as I just couldn't get it right. Not even happy with this but thought I had better at least post something.

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

It had been one whole day since Kurt had, had that conversation with Nars in the kitchen. He still hadn't discussed it with Jane. He knew he should. He knew he had to, but he just didn't want to. He didn't want to see the distrust and hurt churning in Jane's eyes when he explained what Nars had done. He didn't even know if he could make her believe that he had nothing to do with it. He knew they couldn't continue avoiding the topic but most of all he didn't want Jane still believing that he was only using her to bring Sandstorm down. It just wasn't true. They didn't have time to discuss it now but he resigned himself to the fact that they would have to talk more tonight.

With a sigh of frustration, he pulled himself off the kitchen stool to check on Jane. They really had to get going if they were going to make it on time to her doctors appointment. Today was the day that she would finally get her fiberglass cast. He knocked lightly on the door, "Jane are you ready yet. We really have to make tracks."

Kurt didn't hear Jane reply but what he did hear were frustrated muffled curses from the bedroom. He inched open the door to find Jane with her head and one arm in her t-shirt and the other arm flailing around trying to find the opening. He tried hard to stifle the chuckle that rumbled in his throat, "Having a bit of a problem there are you Jane?" She glared up at him with annoyance. "Don't just stand there Kurt. Can you help?" He moved forward and gently pushed her arm into her shirt and tugged it down over her bandaged torso. Kurt smiled down at Jane "Well I never thought I'd see the day that Jane Doe asked for help!" Jane glared back at him again but this time there was a slight curve to her mouth. She sat up straight in the chair and primly replied, "If you are finished laughing at me, I'm ready to go now."

* * *

When the doctor had entered the treatment room Kurt made no move to leave. He was relieved when Jane hadn't asked him to wait outside. He wanted to hear what the doctor had to say about how she was progressing because he knew Jane wasn't likely to tell him all the details, especially if the news wasn't so good.

The doctor had made reassuring noises about her broken leg and had suggested that in a few days she could start to try and put weight on her other injured leg as the knee was healing well. That was welcome news for Jane because it meant she wouldn't have to rely on Kurt getting her in and out of the chair, perhaps she could even go home although she didn't quite know how to feel about going home. She supposed getting out of Kurt's hair would be a good thing but she felt a twinge of sadness that she would be alone once again.

Jane was grateful for how attentive Kurt was when the doctor had removed her old cast. When she had winced with pain from the movement of her leg Kurt had immediately stepped forward and squeezed her hand. He certainly didn't act like someone who hated her and couldn't bear to be in the same room as her, that's why what Nars had said was so confusing. She shook her head to try and clear her mind so she could concentrate on what the doctor was saying. "Now remember that you can get this cast wet. I know your physiotherapist is going to get you into the therapy pool tomorrow so at least you will be all set for that." Jane was a little bewildered, what exercises could she possibly be asked to do in a pool?

"Now that we've got your new cast on I'd like to take a look at your injuries on your torso and change the dressing." Jane nodded in response. Kurt made to let go of her hand and leave the room so she could have some privacy but Jane held his hand tight, silently letting him know she'd like him to stay. He simply nodded in reply and squeezed her hand.

The doctor removed the bandages and turned Jane on her side, facing away from Kurt so that he could look at the most significant wound. "Well Jane, I think it's healing nicely. It's looking a little red and inflamed but nothing some stronger antibiotics won't fix." Kurt's eyes scanned Jane's bare skin with concern. "Doc that's some pretty dark bruising. Its covering nearly every surface of her skin and it looks to be getting worse." The doctor nodded, "Yes you're right but that's what we would expect. It will get worse before it gets better. Give it a few days and the bruising will start to fade which will greatly reduce the pain that you're feeling Jane." Kurt wondered again just how Jane managed to get through each day since the explosion. She rarely showed anyone how much pain she was really in. He guessed that once you've been tortured by the CIA an injury like this becomes inconsequential.

"So Jane, I think what we will do is keep your bandages off. I'm just going to place a dressing on a few of the larger wounds to keep them covered but the rest can be uncovered since they're healing well. I'm going to give you some more cream which I'd like you to make sure you apply at least twice a day to the other areas after a shower or bath." Jane nodded in agreement and waited while the doctor finished up.

* * *

After dinner Kurt lay Jane on the couch so they could watch some a movie together. He sat himself at the end of the couch and lay her legs over his lap. With one hand idly rubbing her lower leg they watched TV in comfortable silence.

Jane was trying hard to concentrate on the movie that he had chosen but she was finding it difficult with Kurt caressing her leg. She enjoyed the warmth that was spreading in her limbs but she also was wound tight with apprehension and confusion. She had already told him that she couldn't bare him to touch her any more. It wasn't because she didn't want him to, she just couldn't let her heart have any hope or expectations now that she knew that he didn't feel the same way about her that she did of him.

"Jane what are you thinking about so intently? I can hear your brain ticking away from over here?" Jane shrugged and quickly scrambled for something to say that wouldn't let him know that she was thinking about him. She stammered "I just... I was ...I thought ..." She decided it was best to be honest. She fidgeted with her hands in her lap and replied in a nervous voice, "I've already told you that I don't want you touching me. It really confuses me Kurt."

Kurt looked at Jane with a sad smile. "Jane, sometimes I don't even realize that I'm doing it. I feel relaxed when I'm near you and it just feels natural. It's one small way that I can connect with you and let you know how I feel about you." Kurt paused, wondering if he should go any further with his honesty. He needed to make her understand that what Nars had said was not true. "Jane, if I had my way, and if you weren't injured, I would be caressing more than just your leg."

Jane gasped at his admission. _What was he playing at? Did he realize the effect his words had on her?_ "Kurt, please don't say things like that, it makes me feel like ..."

Kurt interrupted Jane's train of thought by sliding his hand up her knee and gliding it high up her inner thigh to where the hem of her small shorts sat. He gently squeezed her thigh and then using his fingertip he drew small circles on her delicate skin. Jane shivered at his touch and drew in a sharp breath. "Jane, I meant every word." Kurt could see Jane's eyes darken in response. She may not have wanted to acknowledge what he had said but her body was responding for her without her permission. He turned back to face the TV while his hands continued weaving intricacy circles on her thigh.

Jane fought hard to control her shallow breathing. Just when she thought she really couldn't get enough oxygen he removed his hand and placed it on her other leg. He began drawing small circles and lightly trailing his fingers down to her knee. She glanced quickly at Kurt, however he seemed to be captivated by the movie but she could see the small upturn at the corner of his mouth. By the time the movie credits rolled signalling it was finished, every nerve ending in her Jane's body was tingling and alert. She had no recollection of what the movie was about.

Kurt gently withdraw his hand and shifted his body to turn towards her a little. "So to celebrate your new waterproof cast would you like me to run a bath for you?" Jane had been fantasizing about having a bath ever since the doctor mentioned it. She yearned for the warm water that would soothe her sore and stiff muscles. Plus, it would give her some time to herself where she could relax. Jane eagerly accepted Kurt's suggestion. The broad grin on Jane's face was enough to melt Kurt's heart. To think she was so damn excited about having a simple bath.

* * *

Sorry its a short one guys!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Kurt wheeled Jane into the bathroom and set about searching the cupboards for some bubble bath. He knew Sarah left some here for sawyer when he stayed over, it was just a matter of finding it. "Ah ha, got it! how would you like some bubble gum scented bath bubbles Jane?" Kurt said with an amused voice. Jane lightly chuckled and smiled up at Him. bubblegum scent sounded very interesting indeed but she didn't really care what one she used as she'd never had a bubble bath before - well not that she could remember anyway.

Once they'd decided on the bubble bath flavor Kurt then started to think about he logistics of getting her into the bath without encroaching on her privacy. All his ideas involved Jane naked in his arms while he placed her in the tub and whilst the thought sent his heart racing he figured Jane wouldn't be so impressed. He busied himself with finding her towel and shower bad while he mulled it over quickly.

Jane was sitting silently in her wheelchair feeling quite awkward. When she'd said yes to having a bath she hadn't actually thought about how the hell she was going to get into the bath. Her cheeks flushed red when she thought about being naked in Kurt's arms. Her body was still recovering from his Wandering hands on the couch, what if ...

"Jane? Jane?" Kurt was peering closely at Jane. She seemed deep in thought but he could see a telltale blush creeping up her neck. He guessed her mind was wandering to the same conclusions that his had. "So Jane how about I put you in the bath and then you can undress and run the water while you're in there?" Jane exhaled in relief at Kurt's words but if she was honest she was also a little disappointed.

Jane lay in the warm soothing water, her head laid back on the rim of the bath with mounds of bubbles floating around her. She didn't think she'd ever felt so relaxed and so content. Jane decided that she was definitely going to buy some bubble bath mixture for her safe house. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift away while she listened to the gentle popping of the bubbles.

Kurt had reluctantly left Jane in the bath alone. After cleaning up the kitchen and making a few phone calls he realized that Jane had been in the bath for well over half an hour. He lightly tapped on the door but there was no response. "Jane. Jane." Still nothing. He slowly opened up the door and peered into the bathroom to find Jane lightly snoring, her face the most relaxed he'd seen in months. He lightly chuckled when he saw the mounds of bubbles that were overflowing the bath sides and nearly covering her face. She had obviously tipped way too much mixture in. He hadn't thought to ask her if she knew what to do with them.

He bent down and sat on the Sawyer's small foot stool beside the bath, "Hey Jane? Time to wake up." Jane stirred and slowly opened her eyes. It took her a moment to gain her bearings. Where was she? As soon as her brain began functioning she quickly darted her eyes to the bubble filled bath to ensure her body was covered. .

Kurt smiled st Jane, "Hey sleepy head. You must be quite relaxed in there." Jane smirked back at Kurt. She felt so relaxed, even a little lightheaded although the water was starting to chill a little. Jane attempted to sit up to turn the hot tap on but realized very quickly that any sudden movement made the bubbles rearrange themselves. She quickly laid back down. Kurt reached across the bath and turned the hot tap on for her. He then reached for a wash cloth and moved his stool to the end of the bath behind Jane. "Why don't you lean forward and I will give your back a gentle wash. Just tell me if it hurts."

Jane felt a little vulnerable considering the only thing covering her was bubbles but after a pause she slowly leant forward leaning her arms onto each side of the bath. She quietly stammered, "I don't know if it's a good idea Kurt." She felt extremely uncomfortable and unsure of how to react to Kurt making himself so at home in the bathroom with her.

Kurt didn't respond, instead he dipped the washcloth into the bath and gently held it Over Jane's shoulder. He squeezed the cloth out with one hand so the water trailed down Jane's back. He did the same for the other shoulder and then started gently washing her back. Jane closed her eyes and relaxed into his hands.

Once Kurt had finished with Jane's back he asked her to lay back against the Beth edge again. He leant close to Jane's ear and quietly whispered "I need you to trust me." Jane tried to turn her face towards him so she could look into his eyes. She didn't want to have this conversation right now when she was finally feeling content. She just wanted to soak in this moment and forget about everything. Kurt leant into her ear again and whispered in a slightly amused voice "I need you to slide under the water and count to five." Jane was more than confused now. She had no idea what Kurt was doing. She sat there for a moment and then slowly slid down the bath and stayed underwater counting to five. She came back to a sitting position and quickly made sure the bubbles were strategically placed in the water. Now what she wondered?

Then she felt it. Kurt's hands were rubbing her scalp in circular motions. She realized with surprise that he was washing her hair. Jane soon came to realize that having her hair washed by Kurt while laying naked in the bath tub was something she never wanted to forget. She lay there with her eyes closed, her head limp in his hands and her body sinking into the warm depths of the bath. When Jane sighed with pleasure Kurt grinned to himself. He liked it when Jane was like this, when she was living in the moment and not haunted by her past. He could only hope that there would be more moments of pleasure for her in the future rather than pain.

Kurt's hands stilled on Jane's scalp and he bent to her ear again. His warm breath on her bare neck sent a delicate shiver down her spine. Her whole body was tingling with anticipation. What on earth was he trying to do to her. "I think we are finished here Jane. Slide back under the water for me." Jane was disappointed that he had stopped but took a deep breath and gently slid under the water. Kurt reached into the bath and gently ran his fingers through her hair under the water to help remove the shampoo. Jane eventually sat back up and once again rearranged the bubbles. She exhaled a warm breath, "Kurt thank you. I feel more relaxed and happy than I've felt in months."

Kurt shrugged behind her. He didn't know what to say. He really hadn't done much, she was so damn easily pleased that it made his heart ache. , "any time Jane."

Kurt reached for the cloth again and gently ran it across her shoulders and down the tops of her arms. Jane let her head fall back onto the rim of the tub, closed her eyes and tried to relax. He leant forward and gently ran the cloth along the top of her chest which was sitting slightly out of the water.

Kurt didn't know who was enjoying this more, him or Jane. He loved that she seemed so peaceful and relaxed but he was incredibly glad that Jane couldn't see him right now as he was certain she would notice exactly how much self control and willpower he was using to not climb in that damn tub with her.

He laid the cloth on the bath rim and slid his soapy hand onto the nape of her neck. Jane stiffened at his touch but he gently moved his fingers in circles along her neck, massaging any tense areas. He could feel Jane's body gradually relaxing into his touch again. He tried not to stare at her thigh that was peaking out from the mound of bubbles while he gently continued on her neck. Kurt then placed his other hand on her shoulder and gently stroked the tight muscles. She clamped her mouth shut to stop a moan of pleasure that was threatening to escape her lips.

He decided that now she was completely relaxed he wanted to finish their conversation about the tape. It was now or never. Hopefully her reaction would be tempered by her current relaxed stated. "Jane we need to finish talking about that tape." Jane's eyes darted open and she quickly jolted into a sitting position, her bruised back facing him. "Kurt, we already talked about this. I don't think there's anything more to discuss." Kurt sighed, "Jane you talked the other day and l I listened. Now I'd like you to listen. Can you please just lean back and let me talk?"

Jane sat hunched over in the bath with her head bowed. She didn't really want to hear what he had to say. She didn't want his words to ruin this closeness that she felt with Kurt right now. He was being so gentle and caring, she didn't want reality to come crashing in. Jane could feel tears beginning to fill her eyes and a heaviness building in her chest. She reluctantly laid back in the bath and resigned herself to what She was about to hear.

Kurt was relieved when Jane finally leant back in the bath. He returned his hands to her neck and shoulder and was alarmed when he felt how tight her muscles were again. He tried to move some of the stiffness out of her shoulders but he could see by the anguish on her face that she had retreated into her thoughts. He grabbed the wash cloth and gently repeated his earlier motions, running it over her shoulders and around the front of her neck and chest. He took his time relaxing her body again, feeling a subtle shift as she gradually sank lower in the bath and closed her eyes. He returned to massaging her neck with his fingers and rubbing her shoulders.

He cleared his throat and began. "Jane I was as shocked as you to hear what Nars said on that tape. I spoke her to and she explained that the FBI had received Intel that shepherd believed your loyalty wasn't with her anymore. That tape was fake. It was planted so that Shepherd could use it to break your trust in the FBI and to break your trust in me."

Jane kept her face impassive while she listened to Kurt. Would Nars really do that to her without at least warning? Jane considered this and realized she probably would. Nars would use any measures possible to bring down sandstorm but she would have told Kurt. If it was truly a fake tape then Kurt would have known. Why would they choose to use her like that?

"Jane, I need you to believe me when I say I didn't know about Nars plans. I confronted her about it and I told her that what she did was out of line. She shouldn't have done that to you." Kurt leaned forward and whispered earnestly into her ear, "I'm so sorry that happened Jane. Had I known, I would have stopped it. I'm just so sorry."

Jane turned her body a little so she could look into Kurt's eyes. _Is it possible that he didn't know and that nothing Nars said was true?_ She glanced away still not knowing the answer. With a despondent sigh Kurt continued massaging Jane's next. She didn't believe him. She was that damaged that she couldn't start to trust him again. He didn't blame her, she had been through so much but he was at loss as to how to convince her.

"Jane I know you find it hard to believe but I didn't know about it. I promise you." Jane just nodded quietly, closed her eyes and retreated into her thoughts again. She needed some time to think about what he had said. She desperately wanted to believe that he didn't know about the tape but more than anything she wanted to believe that what Nars had said about him hating her wasn't true.

Kurt stood up From the stool and cleared his throat, "I will leave you in peace for a while. When you're ready, let the water out and get yourself wrapped in a towel and I will help you out." Kurt returned to the kitchen and slumped on the stool. He knew it was going to be a battle of emotions to get through to Jane but he didn't realize how devastated he would feel. She just needed time, time to heal both physically and mentally. He had to be patient. He needed to keep showing her how much he wanted her, maybe then she would believe that his feelings were real.

After Kurt left Jane reluctantly let the after out of the bath. She reached for the towel and awkwardly dried herself and wrapped a fresh towel around her body and hooked it under her armpit. Her mind returned back to Kurt and how upset he seemed when he left the bathroom. She had a twinge of guilt. He had been nothing but kind and thoughtful to her of late and yet there was still this lingering doubt about whether she could truly trust him. She was just so tired of questioning every little thing in her life. She was tired of questioning his motives and yet she was tired of pushing him away.

Kurt knocked gently on the door and waited for Jane to call him in. "You ready Jane?" Jane nodded and held her arms up to him. She looked so beautiful and so vulnerable laying there in the bath with just a towel covering her that it took his breath away. Smiling he bent down and as gently as possible he drew her into his arms. He wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled her close. He slid his hands back down her thighs to her her towel covered buttocks and moulded his hands in place. Jane gasped and tried to wriggle to move his hands away. "Jane can you stay still. I don't want your stitches to pull." Jane took short light breaths, she couldn't believe he was holding her so intimately. Her nerve endings were on fire. She whimpered quietly, "Kurt what are you ..." Kurt smiled into the side of her face, "I'm just making sure I've got a good hold of you this time." He pulled her in closer again and strolled slowly into his bedroom, he wanted to savior every moment of Jane in his arms. She fidgeted and re-position herself in his arms. With her her legs hooked around his hips it was causing ripples of friction against her already sensitive and aroused body. "Kurt can you please out me down in the spare room?" Kurt shook his head, "you sleep with me at night remember. I want to be close by if you have a nightmare. " Jane wanted to argue with him but she found she couldn't. She just needed him to put her down so she could think straight.

Kurt lay Jane down gently on the bed and pulled the sheet up over her body. She lightly shook her head to try and steady herself. "Roll onto your stomach Jane and I will go and grab your cream." A shiver of apprehension sailed through Jane's body. She didn't know If she could handle having Kurt's hands on her already sensitive body again. She could feel her self control was slipping dangerously. She inhaled a deep breath and rolled onto her stomach, pushing the towel and sheet down so he could access her back.

Kurt came back to the bedroom and sat beside Jane. He gently applied the cream to her back in slow warm circles. Jane kept her eyes closed and tried to keep her body still. She was concentrating on steadying her breathing but when is fingers ran along the side of her ribs she felt her body stiffen. Kurt took his time making sure he didn't miss any areas and perhaps was being a little to thorough. Reluctantly he decided he was finished with her back. "Jane can you turn over for me?"

Jane hesitated. If she turned over she would be bare to him. She reasoned that he had seen her like this several times now but a flush spread to her cheeks. She took a deep breath and rolled onto her back but She didn't dare look at at Kurt. Jane lay there naked from the waist up with her eyes firmly shut and her heart pounding.

Kurt felt a flood of desire rush through his body. He ran his fingers lightly across her stomach and saw her nipples tighten in response. He quickly reminded himself that he was supposed to be applying cream to her bruised and battered body. Even injured she could take his breath away. He squeezed cream from the tube and started rubbing Jane's stomach in small sensual circles.

Jane's body was restless and her stomach was alight with butterflies. Kurt's hands were overwhelming her senses. She clutched tightly to the bed sheets and tried to ignore the throbbing between her legs. Kurt moved his hands higher and gently applied the cream to the underside of her breasts. Jane gasped in response and kept her eyes firmly shut. He skimmed his hands between her breasts and back down again. He paused for a moment, and her body stiffened with apprehension. He drew small circles across her breasts with slow lingering strokes. Jane took another short breath, blood pounding in her ears. Kurt firmly cupped her left breast and then rolled her taut nipple between his fingers. Jane's hips jerked off the bed and her back arched in reply. Kurt moved his attention to the other breast, gently rolling her nipple between his fingers. Jane panted with the rising tide of sexual need enveloping her. "Kurt please," Jane whimpered. Kurt gazed down at Jane's writhing body and fought for control. He moved his hands back to her belly and finished applying the cream and then slowly drew the sheet up to cover her body. Jane opened her glazed eyes, "Kurt?" He smiled down at her trying to control the desire in his own body, "it's getting late, we can continue this another day when you're not so bruised and sore." A pang of disappointment and frustration engulfed Jane. She rolled away from him and shut her eyes again.

Kurt woke in the middle of the night to the sound of small sobs in the bed beside him. He reached out and placed his hand on Jane's bare hip and whispered, "Hey. What's happening?" Jane tried to quieten her crying. Kurt pulled himself up onto his elbow and leant over to see if she was awake or perhaps having a quiet nightmare. He found her eyes staring blankly at the wall. He placed light pressure on her hip so that she rolled into her back. "Jane?" Jane covered her face with one arm and pulled the sheet higher to cover her bare body.

"Kurt I'm so confused. Do you really want me or it it just an act? I can't bear it any longer. One minute your professional and friendly and the next your flirting with me and working me up into a state where I can barely think straight and then stopping before it goes any further." With a muffled sob Jane continued, "I don't know what you want from me." Kurt let out a pained sigh. Jesus Christ he should have known she would be confused.

Kurt shuffled closer to Jane and cupped her face to he could tilt it towards him. "Jane its not an act. I desperately want to be with you. I just didn't want you to feel pressured and I certainly didn't want to hurt you. I got carried away and should have waited until your body was healed." Jane sniffled and fidgeted in the bed. "Do you really mean that Kurt? Please just tell me once and for all?" Kurt moved closer still and ran his hand over the curve of her hip. He moulded his hand to her buttock and pulled her sharply against his hips. "Feel that Jane. That's proof of how much I want you." Jane gasped at his actions. He rocked his hips against her so she could feel his hard length. Jane placed her warm hands on his chest and bit her bottom lip. Kurt squeezed her ass again, pulling her hips closer still. "There's your proof Jane. Now get some rest." He kissed her lightly on the forehead and reluctantly pulled away from her tantalizing naked body but clasped her free hand in his.

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too much? too far?


	12. Chapter 12

Hi everyone. Sorry about the hiatus. If I'm honest I walked away from this story as I received a fair few negative comments. I'm all for constructive feedback and maybe it was meant as constructive feedback but I took it personally. After some time I've realized I'm just going to write it and not take the comments to heart. I do appreciate everyone's encouragement and kind words as its tough putting yourself out there the first time to write a story for all to see. Not sure how this chapter is as I've lost perspective but hopefully its semi enjoyable. Go forth and read! Although you may need to read a few of the earlier chapters again to get you back in the mood.

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Jane was staring at the ceiling trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. She was mentally cringing at how she had woken to find her naked chest plastered to a sleeping Kurt's back. She stifled a groan of shame when she thought about how her head had been tucked against the back of his neck and her legs had been entangled with his. When she had awoken she had frozen in embarrassment and gingerly removed herself as far onto the other side of the bed as possible.

Just as she was finally calming down and hoping against all hope that Kurt wouldn't have felt her body draped so intimately over his back she heard a sigh from the other side of the bed. Jane cautiously tilted her head to look at him through her lowered lashes. It was his smirk that gave it away. _OMG he had been awake!_ If only the bed would swallow her whole and save her from the mortification. She clutched the sheet to her chest and inched closer to the edge of the bed. If she moved over any further she may actually end up toppling off the bed. "Um ... So... I didn't... Sorry Kurt. I didn't realize I was... I didn't know I was spooning you until I woke. Sorry."

Kurt winked lazily at her. "Nothing to be sorry about." Jane fidgeted in the bed. Once again, she was totally at his mercy. It's not like she could just get out of bed. She was naked and let's not forget she was wheelchair bound. Mentally cursing herself Jane wished she'd been smart enough to put clothes on last night but after the whole Kurt applying the cream fiasco she had just rolled over and pretended to be asleep to hide her frustration and embarrassment.

Kurt glanced carefully over at Jane and realized that she was actually uncomfortable with the situation. He had hoped that after their brief chat in the middle of the night she would feel a little less nervous about being affectionate but he realized he had thought wrong. "Jane don't overthink it. It would have been me spooning you if it wasn't for your wounds." Jane turned her head on the pillow to face Kurt again and in a subdued voice asked him if he could grab her some clothes. Kurt leant over and planted a quick kiss to her forehead and with a groan he slowly climbed out of bed and padded over to his closest. He quickly found one of his t-shirts and walked back over to Jane. "Hands up." Jane had hoped he would have gone and retrieved her own clothes but she could make do with his shirt. She lifted her hands while Kurt slipped the shirt over her head. "Be right back." Kurt mumbled as he walked out of the room.

Jane lifted the shirt to her face and breathed in Kurt's unmistakable scent that filled her senses. She quickly rearranged herself in time for Kurt to walk into the room pushing her wheelchair. Jane looked up at Kurt with hopeful eyes, "I think I could try putting some weight on my knee today." She didn't think she could cope with another day of Kurt having to lift her into his arms. It was too much. He was too much. "Jane. You won't be putting so much as a big toe on to the floor until your doctor or physio says it's okay." Jane sighed thumped the sheet in exasperation. "Fine." She braced herself knowing that in seconds she was going to be transported out of the bed. As he leant forward to pick her up she tried to keep calm and unaffected. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to hide her flushed face. This had to stop. She couldn't take it anymore. Kurt smirked as he gently lowered Jane into the chair. Today was going to be very entertaining and slightly frustrating but in the end he decided it would be worthwhile. He was going to show Jane just how affectionate he could be. Perhaps that would convince her.

Kurt set about cooking up a hot hearty breakfast for Jane and himself while she sat watching. He occasionally looked over at Jane and delivered a crooked smile while he tended to the food. He dished up the steaming eggs and crispy bacon, placing the meals on the breakfast bar. "Kurt if you set them on the table that will be easier as I won't have to get out of the wheelchair." Kurt just coyly smiled at Jane "But then I miss out on the fun of lifting you onto a stool." And with that he lifted her and placed her on the stool.

Jane felt exposed sitting at the breakfast bar clad only in Kurt's shirt. She tugged the hem down as far as it would go to cover her bare thighs and picked up her knife and fork. Kurt noticing her fidgeting placed a warm hand just above her knee and gently massaged her leg while he nonchalantly read the paper. Jane tried to concentrate on her breakfast and ignore the warmth spreading up her leg but she was finding it incredibly difficult to swallow her food. Finally, she gave up, resting her knife and fork in her plate and placing her elbows on the table, her head in her hands.

"You not hungry Jane?" Kurt murmured close to her ear. Jane shrugged in response but didn't move. Kurt's hand was continuing to rub gentle circles on her thigh while Jane sat there concentrating on not leaning into his touch. After a while Kurt rose and gathered their plates and set about cleaning up the kitchen. Jane took this moment of reprieve to calm her mind and clear her fuzzy brain. _Did he realize what he was doing to her? Did her realize each touch was like fire on her already sensitive skin?_ Based on his demeanor she figured he was just being friendly and a little more affectionate. He certainly didn't seem to be affected by her proximity. Jane vowed that she would get control of her emotions and her body's reactions. She didn't want him to think that she was lusting over him or for that matter that she was craving his touch.

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The drive to the physio's office was quiet but comfortable. Jane had been busily admiring the recent snowfall out the window, picturing herself playing in the snow which meant she didn't hear Kurt's question. She broke out of her daydream when she felt the warmth of his hand once again stroking her upper thigh. She shifted in the seat a little, caught unawares and unable to control her quiet gasp for air. "Sorry Kurt, what were you saying." Kurt glanced over at Jane from the corner of his eye, his lips tilted at the corner when he saw the flush rising slowly up Jane's neck. "Oh, I was just saying that I brought my swimmers in case the physio needs a hand getting you into the therapy pool." Jane tried to hide her dismay at this. She had already been dreading this session and now to find out he was going to be present was making her anxious. She just wanted him to drop her off and let her get this over with without an audience.

Jane had struggled less than gracefully into the one-piece swimsuit that the physio had supplied her. She eyed her t-shirt that was sitting on the change bench and grappled with putting it on over her swimmers to cover the injuries on her back. She didn't feel like dealing with the physio's curious stares or sympathetic mumblings. She argued back and forth in her mind about whether she should put it on and at the least minute she quickly pulled he shirt over her head and dragged it down her still painful torso.

Wheeling herself out to the therapy pool the smell of salty water filling her lungs and making her eyes sting a little. The indoor pool was shaped like a jellybean and was obviously heated as there was steam rising from the crystal-clear water. Jane closed her eyes and mentally psyched herself up for the session. She hoped it would be quick and painless and she could go home and sleep. Her eyes flashed open, when did she start to think of it as her home? She needed to stop that straight away!

The physio was a mid 40s lady with short hair and a rotund body. She had a friendly face but Jane could see she would be firm when required. "Hi Jane, I'm Stacy. Now as this is your first session we are going to go slow, do the basics and finish with a healing session that your doctor has recommended. Now I'm not getting in the pool today as Agent Weller has kindly offered to assist me so I can concentrate on cataloguing your body's restrictions and limitations. We can work on those in future sessions. You ready hon?"

Jane's stomach dropped. What the hell was Kurt doing? Was he determined to punish her, make her even more embarrassed about her physical limitations? She had tried hard to not to focus on how weak her body really was and she certainly didn't want Kurt seeing it firsthand. If he so much as looked at her with sympathy or guilt she would be mortified. She didn't need him to see her at her weakest. Jane rubbed her hand along forehead trying to ease the tension.

"Let's get you in the pool hey." rasped a deep voice. Jane looked up to see Kurt in his swimming shorts and shirtless chest. _God give me strength!_ Jane thought to herself. She hadn't even factored into the equation a half-naked Kurt swimming in the pool with her. She reluctantly nodded and held her hands up to place them around his neck. Kurt leant down and then paused, "Jane do you want to get rid of this shirt before we get in?" Jane quickly shook her head, not trusting her voice to speak. Kurt merely shrugged and lifted her into his arms and against her bare chest, wrapping her legs around his waist. Jane determinedly focused on Stacy who was standing near Kurt and ignored the sensations that were rippling through her body.

"Here we go Jane. Hold tight." Kurt murmured into her ear. Kurt gradually walked down the ramp, each step taking them deeper into the warm pool until the water was lapping at their necks. Kurt turned them both to face Stacy. "What next doc?"

Stacy walked over to the edge of the pool. "Now Jane we are going to check your upper body strength and leg strength. Just do the best you can and don't worry if you can't do something. It will all come with time." Jane nodded and plastered a fake smile on her face. Kurt listened to Stacy's instructions and moved Jane to the edge of the pool, helping her place her elbows on the pool edge with her back facing the pool edge. "Now Jane I want you to lift each leg as high as you can in the water without bending your knee. I know the cast is a little heavy but we can't help that. Do each leg one at a time and then together."

Jane nodded and with grim determination she lifted her leg without the cast so that her toes nearly peaked out if the water. She tried to hold it there but even with the help of the water to make it float she couldn't sustain the lift. She let out a fish of air, re positioned her arms and tried her leg with the cast. She gritted her teeth and tensed her muscles but she couldn't even get the leg half way. With an exasperated sigh, she let her leg drop down.

Kurt quietly watched Jane's grim determination. He tried to hide the alarm he felt when he realized Jane had lost a lot of her upper body strength and had little strength left in her lower body. He hadn't realized how much damage her lack of movement and her injuries had caused. He inched closer wishing he could give her some of his strength and help her through this but logically he knew that she was the only one that could get her fitness level back.

"That's enough Jane. You can stop now. One more test and then we will move on. Kurt I'm going to need you to help her with this one as we don't want any weight on either leg." Kurt nodded and listed again to Stacy explain what he needed to do. He helped Jane position herself sideways at the pool edge, her left arm holding onto the pool rim. He placed her right hand on his bare shoulder and reached under water and wrapped both of his hands firmly around her thigh so that he was holding her weight. He held her leg steady while Jane pushed her other leg as far back behind her as she could, tilting her hips forward and keeping her leg straight. She gripped Kurt's shoulder sharply and breathed heavily, using as much of her muscles as possible to get her leg as high as possible. Once Stacy had asked her to swap legs she re positioned herself and Kurt moved his hands to her other thigh. Jane could barely get the other leg in the air and she crumpled inwards after exerting herself to the full extent. Breathing heavily, she shook off Kurt's hands and turned to face the pool edge, bury her head in her folded arms and taking in deep gulps of air to steady herself. Kurt looked questioningly at Stacy, hoping that was the last of the tests because he didn't think he could bare much more of this. He'd never seen Jane so helpless. He'd never thought of her being weak or dependent on someone.

Stacy gave Kurt and encouraging smile. "Okay Jane, when you get your breath back we are going to get you walking around the pool. I just need two laps out of you." Jane raised her head from her arms and bit back scathingly, "And how do you suppose I manage that? I can't even lift my useless legs let alone walk!" Stacy just merely nodded and gently threw a bright purple flotation ring into the pool. "Kurt, slip that over James head and arms until it rests at her hips. This will keep you buoyant Jane and it will make sure you don't bare any weight on your legs."

Kurt followed Stacy's instructions and turned Jane to face him, lifting her hands and resting then on his shoulders. He looked expectantly up at Stacy waiting for the next direction. Jane kept her head bowed and her body rigid while she floated in the pool. She just needed this to be over with. Stacy quietly explained that Kurt needed to walk backwards allowing Jane to use his shoulders for balance while she gently mimicked walking in the water. Jane was eager for the session to end so she immediately started moving her legs, ignoring the sharp pain in her injured knee. She chanced a quick glance at Kurt and saw the silent encouragement he was giving. She quickly looked away and kept moving her legs however she was beginning to tire. She hadn't even completed a lap of walking and she was exhausted. She paused a moment to catch her breath. Her lungs were fighting hard for air. "Jane, we need to take your shirt off, it's making this harder." Kurt murmured quietly. Jane nodded and let him remove her shirt in one quick tug. He flung the t-shirt on the pool edge. "You ready to go again Jane? Not much further." Jane nodded and grimaced, placing her hands back on his bare shoulders, tightening her muscles and pushing her legs as fast as she could.

After a lap of the pool sweat was trickling down Jane's forehead, her breathing was laboured and the muscles in her legs were screaming for respite. She wasn't going to give up. She couldn't let them see how weak she really was. With a renewed sense of urgency Jane pushed her body to go faster, ignoring the incessant throbbing in her knee and the flotation ring rubbing against her bruised waist with each willed her body to push through the pain and concentrated on taking one excruciating step at a time.

Kurt sensed that Jane was pushing herself too far. Her fingers were biting sharply into his shoulders and her face was pale. He looked to Stacy and silently asking her to put an end to this because he knew Jane wasn't going to stop regardless of how much pain she was in. Stacy nodded at Kurt and firmly spoke to Jane. "That's enough for now. Catch your breath Jane and then we will commence the healing session. I think you're going to like this one."

Jane barely heard Stacy's remarks above the pounding of her heart in her ears. She had stopped the exercise but her muscles were taut with pain. She half turned away from Kurt so she could compose herself. She hadn't realized that she had moved into a mental trance to get through the pain. Now that she had stopped she recognized that she had pushed herself too far. She was ashamed and dismayed when she realized she didn't even make it two laps of the pool.

Kurt removed the flotation ring from Jane and hesitated when he noticed Jane flinch when it grazed her side. He looked questioningly at Jane to see if she was okay but she just nodded and turned away. Kurt was surprised to see the pools lights had flicked on beneath the surface of the water and the lights above had been turned off. He looked over to Stacy to see she was fiddling with a dial on a speaker system. Stacy turned and smiled at Jane "Now this is your reward for all your hard work today. Have you heard of sound healing Jane?" Jane looked nonplussed at this, of course she hadn't heard of it but a quick glance at Kurt and she realized that he hadn't either.

"We combine sound healing with aqua therapy which is designed to let every muscle in your body completely relax while your mind is relaxed. Gentle sounds are played throughout the pool causing vibrations in the water. I'd like for you to try a short session today and if you like we can do more next time." Jane looked at Kurt quizzically, she wasn't exactly sold on this idea and based on the expression on his face she figured he wasn't either. Kurt simply nodded and waited for Stacy's instructions.

"Kurt stand behind Jane and gently lay her head back so it's resting on your shoulder, kind of tucked in there. Now her body will automatically rise to start floating in front of you because of the extra salt we have in the pool." Kurt followed her instructions and lay Jane's stiff neck and head on his shoulder. Stacy nodded encouragingly, "That's it. Now place your hands on her lower back to provide a little extra support which will bring her hips and legs ontop of the water." Kurt gently placed his hands on Jane's lower back being mindful of her injuries. Her bare skin seemed to be burning under his palms. Jane drew in a quick breath and forced her body to relax under his touch. Once she settled into his hold she found herself relaxing further, her legs dangling in the water and her eyes fluttering closed. "That's it Jane, close your eyes and relax. Kurt is going to keep you safe and relaxed while he moves you gently around the pool."

Kurt gradually moved his legs to start walking through the water, tightening his grip a little on her lower back, bringing Jane with him, floating her through the water. He felt her body stiffen and hesitantly asked "Jane?" Jane's eyes had flashed open. Stacy peered down at Jane over the pool edge. "What's wrong hon? I need you to relax for this to work." Jane nodded and gritted her teeth as the last spasm of pain ebbed away from where Kurt had pushed on the wound that the flotation ring had previously aggravated. "Sorry, I'm okay just a little sore." Kurt looked worriedly down at Jane's face as best as he could from his awkward angle. He could see the tension in her face and knew she was covering the pain that she was in. He propped Jane's head closer onto his shoulder and glided his hands further down her back so that they were resting away from the area of concern. "Is that better Jane?" Jane nodded and closed her eyes, trying not to concentrate on where he had placed his hands. It was a little too intimate for a physio session, actually it was a little too intimate regardless of where they were. She was determined to get through this last exercise so she drew in a deep relaxing breath and lay back letting the soothing music being played under water fill her mind.

Kurt gently walked around be pool with Jane's head tucked into his shoulder and his hands supporting her bruised and battered body. He sensed that she was utterly relaxed, her breathing was calm and her body was no longer stiff. He felt honored that he could provide these few short minutes of complete relaxation for her. He would have continued floating Jane around the pool all afternoon if Stacy had let him.

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During the ride home from physio Jane sat exhausted on the passenger seat battling her eyelids that kept fluttering closed. She had never felt so utterly exhausted yet so completely relaxed. Once they reached Kurt's house he carried her upstairs leaving her wheelchair in the car. She buried her head in his neck and chest and hung limply onto his neck. He lowered her gently onto his bed and before he could lay a blanket over her tired body she was fast asleep. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently stroked the stray tresses of hair away from her face. Kurt had never seen Jane look so beautiful and content. He carefully leant down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and walked quietly out of the room.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for the awesome feedback and encouragement. Holiday season means life has been a bit hectic but here's a short chapter.**

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 **Chapter 13**

Jane woke from a deep slumber to the sound of a familiar voice filtering into the bedroom from the lounge. Dr Borden had arrived for her first afternoon session. Jane couldn't believe that it was that time of day already. She realized she must have slept for quite some time after her physio session. She could still feel how relaxed her limbs were and even her shoulders felt limp. She stretched languidly in the bed, stifling a yawn and gingerly moved her legs. She gasped at the sudden jolt of pain that emanated from her twisted knee. Jane slowly pulled herself to a sitting position and pushed the blanket back to reveal that her knee was extremely swollen. She sighed in frustration. She realized with regret that she had pushed too hard in the pool. She just hadn't thought it would flare up so quickly and so significantly. Gritting her teeth, she tried to bend her knee a little but found she had to bite her lip to stifle the groan that threatened to escape her lips. There's no way in hell she was going to let Kurt know that it was so swollen. She had to work out a way to hide it.

Jane sat quietly in bed, deep in thought, trying to work out her best plan to keep it hidden. Perhaps she could ask for a pair of sweatpants and say she was cold. She mulled this idea over quietly. Jane didn't hear Kurt enter the room but jumped with a start when he ground out through his teeth, "Jane! What the hell? Your knee is five times its normal size. Did you not feel the pain you were inflicting upon yourself in the pool?" Jane bowed her head ashamed at herself and fidgeted with the hem of the blanket. "I'm sorry Kurt." She looked up at him with eyes swimming with hurt.

Kurt rubbed his hands through his hair and uttered in a frustrated voice, "I don't need you to be sorry. I need you to be aware of your limitations." Jane nodded quietly. "I know. I'm sorry." Calming himself down from the initial shock of seeing Jane's swollen knee Kurt sat himself down on the edge of the bed and reached for her hand and lowered his voice, "Jane like I said, you don't need to be sorry. I just want you to be aware of your body and how far you can push it. I know you have been trained to not let pain affect you but I need you to stop doing that for now. Your body needs you to stop when you're in pain. Can you try to do that?" Jane nodded in agreement and pressed her lips together to stop herself from apologizing again. Kurt squeezed her hand and explained that he would be back in the moment before he walked out of the bedroom again.

Kurt found Dr Borden casually flicking through a magazine in the lounge room. He relayed to Dr Borden what had happened at physio and the effect on Jane's knee. Kurt was annoyed at himself for not putting an end to the physio when he was watching how hard Jane was pushing herself in the pool. "Kurt, if anyone is to blame here it's the physiotherapist. She should be attune to her patient's limitations and to their pain barriers. Now, given Jane is an unusual patient in terms of her capacity to escape pain, I think with your permission I will explain a little of Jane's situation so that she can be more alert to Jane's abilities." Kurt nodded his agreement. He really should have thought to brief the physio himself. "Thanks Doc. I will go and see if Jane is ready for her session."

Jane had propped herself up in the bed waiting for Kurt. Now that she was fully awake she could feel the dull throb of her knee. Kurt entered the room and folded his hands across his chest, "Well you're really trying to make it hard for me to lift you anywhere now Jane. What's your thoughts on this now that you can't bend that knee?" Jane shrugged with embarrassment, "I'm sorry Kurt." Kurt smiled down at Jane, "No more apologizing. Now let's try getting you out of there." He looked at Jane and locked his gaze onto hers, "If this hurts you in any way you need to tell me straight away. Don't just grin and bear it. Deal?" Jane smiled wanly at Kurt and nodded.

Jane braced herself for Kurt to pick her up. He leant down and removed the blanket and placed his left arm under her thighs. He wrapped his other arm around her back while Jane hooked her arm around his neck. "Now Jane, it will be too painful for you if I carry your weight with the hand that's around your back. I need you to pull yourself as high as you can with that hand around my neck." Jane nodded and clutched his shoulder and neck. She tightened her stomach muscles to pull herself up and against his chest while Kurt lifted her legs. Jane strained with her weight on her arm but she managed the short distance to the lounge with just a smaller whimper of pain. Dr Borden made room on the couch for Jane and placed some cushions at the end for her to lay back against.

As soon as Jane was settled Kurt retreated to the kitchen to find an ice pack and some painkillers. He knew that although she wasn't complaining, that knee would be achingly like hell. He poured a glass of chilled water and made his way back to the lounge. "Here Jane. Take these and let's put this ice pack on for a while." Jane nodded and obediently swallowed the tablets, ignoring the quick stab of pain that darted up her leg when Kurt placed the ice pack on her knee. "Now if you two are fine here I'm going to head into the office for an hour or two and give you some privacy." Kurt looked down at Jane to check her reaction. He wouldn't leave if she didn't want him to but he was pleased to see she wasn't alarmed by his statement. He bent down, cupping her cheek and placed a warm kiss on her forehead. "Be back soon. Don't move from that couch." He gave a startled Dr Borden a nod and gathered his keys and quietly left the apartment.

Dr Borden took a moment to gather his thoughts. He found he wasn't shocked by Kurt casually kissing Jane but he was surprised at how natural it seemed for Kurt to be affectionate in front of him. He glanced at Jane and cleared his throat, "So Jane, is there anything in particular you would like to start with today?" He figured an open-ended question would allow Jane to choose the topic that she would be comfortable with, a way to get her warmed up for their session.

Jane rearranged herself on the couch and looked up at Dr Borden. "I guess I don't know where to start." She replied nervously. He nodded and remained silent, confident she would continue. Jane searched her mind for something to discuss, "I guess we could talk about the pills. I really didn't plan that. I'm not that weak. I don't want people to think I'm suicidal because I'm not. It was a moment. A stupid, thoughtless, selfish moment." Dr Borden carefully raised his head and spoke gently, "Jane, I do not doubt that you regret it but would you like to tell me why you did it, why you chose that moment to try to end your life?"

Jane gasped with the finality of his words. Dr Borden was right. She could have died but somehow, she didn't think about that when she took those pills. "I don't think that's what I was trying to do. I just wanted it all to stop. I was exhausted. I was mentally and physically spent. I just wanted to escape for a while." Dr Borden nodded in response and let Jane continue. "I was confused. I was confused about shepherd. I was worried about Roman and I felt betrayed by Kurt."

"Jane, is it okay if we talk about Kurt for a moment. I couldn't help but notice that he seemed, how shall we say, perhaps rather affectionate with you just now when he left. Would you like to talk about that?" Jane blushed at his comment and fidgeted with the ice pack on her knee. Dr Borden leant forward, "We don't have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable Jane." Jane nervously toyed with her shirt hem and nervously began, "I don't know what to think. It's hard to keep up. One minute he's ignoring me and can't bear to be in the same room as me and now it seems he's back flipped. I don't know what to think. I don't know how to act but most of all I don't know how to feel." Jane gritted her teeth in frustration, "It's a constant battle between my head and my heart."

Dr Borden nodded and wrote a few quick notes. "Jane, I think it's been obvious from the day you met Agent Weller that there was some kind of deep connection. You have both been through so much and it seems to me you may be coming out the other side. With that being said, I would advise you not to rush things. Listen to your heart and your head. The key is to communicate how you're feeling to Agent Weller. Explain to him how you're feeling. He's not a mind reader." Jane nodded but the confusion was evident in her face. "Jane, you've been through a lot. Just take it one step at a time and try to focus on Kurt's actions. I think in time your head will catch up to your heart."

Jane paused and silently reflected on what Dr Borden had sad. She wanted an easy fix to her confusion. She wanted him to provide some kind of guarantee that she could place her trust in Kurt again but she realized that there is no such guarantee in life. Jane was dragged out of her thoughts by the sharp trill of Dr Borden's phone. Dr Borden looked at the caller ID and pulled himself off his chair to walk to the outdoor balcony. "Agent Weller. What can I do for you?" Jane strained to hear the conversation but Dr Borden had stepped outside and closed the balcony door. With a huff, she leant further back into the pillows and closed her eyes.

Janes eyes snapped open when she heard the balcony door opening. "Jane, it seems Agent Weller was checking in on you. He's heading back now but he has asked me to check if you feel comfortable traveling into the office with him on his return." Jane was surprised by this. He had said he would be a few hours and it certainly hasn't been that long. She would have thought Kurt didn't want her going near the office. She surmised that there must be an underlying reason which caused a flutter of anxiety skip through her stomach.


End file.
